So many people are "counting their blessings" at this time of year. I've declined, not only because it seems a bit contrived, and not only because we should always be cognizant of our blessings and not only when there's a national holiday of overindulgence; no, I've also declined because it sometimes reeks of a tad of self-righteousness. Someone recently wrote a post on "being blessed" versus "being a blessing;" it evoked feelings and I attempted to write them out, but was ultimately unsuccessful.
But here's the deal. I'm a cancer survivor. Every day above ground is a victory. I can't begin to "count" blessings; what may not look to me like a blessing today may, in the overall scheme of things, actually be one. So I'm not going to engage in the spiritual self-gratification games.
But I am profoundly grateful for the opportunity to have shared this past week with so many friends and family. From the Holy Spirit Conference a week ago in Delaware, to the safe drive (drive, as in "inside a car, a car of which I have exclusive use and for which I did not have to pay) home, to all the friends and family with whom I've shared this past week.
I was at the graveyard this morning talking to my grandparents and my mother and aunt, part of that Great Cloud of Witnesses that has gone on before me. I expressed my gratitude to them, and found myself telling them they'd be pleased with the woman I've become. At that point I realized that I am pleased with the woman I've become. Sure, I have flaws and issues and all, and sure I screw up on a regular basis, and anyone who knows me knows my temperament and moodiness -- but it's all part of who I am, and the overall person, complete with warts, is one with whom my ancestors would, I hope, be pleased, and one with whom I hope God will ultimately be pleased.
There's a certain peace that comes from being comfortable with oneself, and I'm grateful for that. I ain't tryna prove nothing to nobody; ain't tryna be nobody except for who I am, because who I am is -- who I am.
Anyway. I'm a bit high on all the love and joy I found at home this week. It is simply overwhelming. I'm so grateful for these people who have known me and loved me all my life, and who continue to love and support me, even to this day. Not sure if it's a contrast to the anonymity of the big city, or if ti's just such a profundity of love and affection, but some wonderful things happened in Durham and Chapel Hill this week. I'm thankful for those wonderful things, I'm thankful for the wonderful people, and I'm thankful that, in the midst of everything, there is still a place called home that always awaits with love and comfort and open arms.
So while it is a bit cliche, there was definitely "Good News from the Graveyard" this morning. For that I will be eternally thankful.
