I woke up this morning wondering WHY do I keep doing this?
They say insanity is repeating the same action and expecting
different results. I feel like I must be insane to keep coming into this place day after day, doing what I’m
doing. I feel like a puppet of the governmental agencies that fund
us.
But feelings are just that. Feelings. They're not facts. I am immediately reminded that not only the
wellbeing, but the very lives of 145 individuals with special needs, 30
employees, and 71 families – the lives of these people is dependent on me doing
my job. When I started this job, and at various times during my tenure here, their future has
seemed somewhere between murky and downright dark. While no one can actually see the future, we
can see several paths, all of which seem considerably brighter now. Even as I sit here writing this, we are presented with an
opportunity to possibly expand our scope of services to include something new and novel for an additional population: our children.
So. I’m so tired that
I’m in my office in shorts, a fluorescent orange shirt, and purple, blue, and
lime green socks. I’m wearing this
mostly because that’s what’s clean and I haven’t had time to do laundry. As I look at my life, the numbers say I could retire now. Possibly. I’d probably have
to sell some property and give up the dream of being a snowbird; I could still
travel (some), but probably wouldn’t have an automobile to return to. But I wouldn’t have to get up and be so tired
that I’m wearing a bright orange shirt, khaki shorts, and purple, blue and
green socks to work, either. Matter of
fact, if I were to go ahead and retire, laying on the beach would actually be a
cost-saving measure. So why don’t I do it?
Why DO I keep doing this?
One of the first years I was here, we hosted a block
party. I wanted to have the Black
Cowboys and pony rides, because I figured that many of the urban kids we serve
would never get a chance to see livestock up close. We ended up offering pony rides (free, of
course!). It was a tremendous hit, and
we’ve done it every year since. A week or so ago, I was
driving through an economically challenged neighborhood in another boro. What did I see? Kiddies riding horsies! I’ve lived around
that neighborhood for 30 years and had never seen anyone offering horsie
rides. I don’t know if it’s a direct
result of the work we did; I know we do
some transformative work, we help make people’s lives better, and so even
though it feels like we’re doing the same thing over and over again, we are,
slowly, getting results.
Every year we take a few dozen adults with special needs to the State Capitol, arrange meetings with legislators, then empower and encourage them to advocate for themselves and their needs. We make sure they have the necessary resources to get out and vote. Later this year, we expect to take a similar number on a trip to Washington, DC, so they can see the place where the highest level of our government functions. These same people, without us, could very likely be sleeping on the trains or on church steps. Instead, as much as possible, we are offering them pathways back to fully appropriate housing.
So I guess that’s why I keep doing this. It’s not always my pleasure – some people are
mean, some are vindictive, some seem just plain crazy (and I'm talking about the staff, not the populations we serve!); the work is fairly tedious, usually thankless, and a number of people
seem to think that generating stress will produce their desired results
(hint: it usually has the opposite
effect). But at the end of the day, when
I do my job, people’s lives are positively impacted, and when I do my job well,
the quality of their lives is enhanced.
Reason enough, I think, to make it in to work one more day.
