So I'm all packed! Don't know if it's the weight loss or practicality, but I put everythibg I'm taking into a weekender, which fit perfectly inside a bigger suitcase, so on my way there i'll have one bag and will have plenty of room to bring back souveniers.
I probably put more time into packing my cameras/laptop/electronics than i did my clothes. I'm not taking any dress clothes, just a couple of long-sleeved shirts for entrance into holy sites. Not having to take suits has cut my luggage in half. But i do have to throw in a pair of workout pants. Microfiber is great for traveling, too -- just shake those wrinkles out!
I am soooo excited! Finished grading papers, turned in all grades, can do payroll remotely and have assigned delegates if I have no internet access -- now all i have to do is tell the bamk where I am so I can use my cards... which means I have to find my cards. The lady at the bank said I have one that's got rewards or something on it. Mau as well use that one. I've been pretty good about not using plastic, and am kind of averse to it, but I do buy gold in every country I go to. I don't have enough cash to get a really nice piece; I'm thinking maybe some earrings or a bracelet.
I need to book a van, pick up meds, and hope to get in a good pump and/or swim before i go!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Things I don't understand...
There are some things that, IMHO, defy logic. I don't understand how you can go to a fast food restaurant with six people behind the counter, six customers in front of the counter, and still have to wait for 10 minutes to place an order.
I don't understand the erosion of morality in America. Don't get me wrong; I'm more liberal than many, though generally quite liberal socially. I don't care who's doing who. I just don't want to have to subsidize it. I don't understand how we have can continue to wage wars all over the globe, have generations of people on public assistance at home, and act still feign surprise or indignation that our country is in debt. Why can't the people who wage wars be the ones to fight them? And if my tax dollars have to subsidize you and your family, then don't you have some sort of reciprocal obligation to me? Where is the sense of personal responsibility?
Yesterday I saw a woman with two kids. I couldn't help; I asked how old they were. One was 19 months and one was three months. It may be racist and presumptuous of me, but I'm assuming she's on public assistance (she's on the subway, alone with two kids, no ring, a toddler with designer sneakers and a lollipop but no stroller -- don't mean to be presumptuous or judgemental, but she seemed to exhibit the sort of decisionmaking processes characteristic of people who are generationally dependent). Now, I've had to make decisions on whether or not I could afford a kid. How come my tax dollars have to pay the kids of someone who has not been responsible in their decisionmaking processes?
As I write this, I'm thinking "it's not politically correct. Will this go viral and have me branded as some kind of right-wing monster?" I'm thinking that because of the recent uproar over the MarieClaire blogger who wrote about her personal aversion to people of size. What's so wrong with saying you think lots of excess fat on the human form is aesthetically displeasing? I think it's not only aesthetically displeasing, it's also unhealthy. For years and years I struggled with fat and body image issues; in the end, it was health issues that led me to make decisions to do something about my health.
But what, we're not entitled to have an opinion, to have preferences and to state those preferences? Because we may hurt someone's feelings? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, God knows I don't. I know what it's like to have those body image issues. But I also know what it's like to have health issues because of unhealthy weight. I've worked hard to get my body into better shape and I personally prefer the human form without a lot of excess fat on it. I find the human body, with well-defined musculature, to be aesthetically pleasing, and the addition of lots of adipose tissue to be aesthetically displeasing.
So I'm spozed to not voice my opinions, worry about hurting someone's feelings, and what -- let them die a slow and miserable death? I'm not saying alienate them, but what's so wrong about speaking your mind?
Anyway. I'm off to Egypt and Israel in less than 48 hours. Really excited! Except that, of course, I haven't packed and still have about 30 term papers to grade. That would be daunting enough, but as I read them I'm discovering that my students just aren't getting the concepts we're teaching them. Add that to the challenges with tthe preparation of written materials, and you have the nightmare that is my weekend.
I probably need to get off the computer, get back to grading papers, and then get to bed.
I don't understand the erosion of morality in America. Don't get me wrong; I'm more liberal than many, though generally quite liberal socially. I don't care who's doing who. I just don't want to have to subsidize it. I don't understand how we have can continue to wage wars all over the globe, have generations of people on public assistance at home, and act still feign surprise or indignation that our country is in debt. Why can't the people who wage wars be the ones to fight them? And if my tax dollars have to subsidize you and your family, then don't you have some sort of reciprocal obligation to me? Where is the sense of personal responsibility?
Yesterday I saw a woman with two kids. I couldn't help; I asked how old they were. One was 19 months and one was three months. It may be racist and presumptuous of me, but I'm assuming she's on public assistance (she's on the subway, alone with two kids, no ring, a toddler with designer sneakers and a lollipop but no stroller -- don't mean to be presumptuous or judgemental, but she seemed to exhibit the sort of decisionmaking processes characteristic of people who are generationally dependent). Now, I've had to make decisions on whether or not I could afford a kid. How come my tax dollars have to pay the kids of someone who has not been responsible in their decisionmaking processes?
As I write this, I'm thinking "it's not politically correct. Will this go viral and have me branded as some kind of right-wing monster?" I'm thinking that because of the recent uproar over the MarieClaire blogger who wrote about her personal aversion to people of size. What's so wrong with saying you think lots of excess fat on the human form is aesthetically displeasing? I think it's not only aesthetically displeasing, it's also unhealthy. For years and years I struggled with fat and body image issues; in the end, it was health issues that led me to make decisions to do something about my health.
But what, we're not entitled to have an opinion, to have preferences and to state those preferences? Because we may hurt someone's feelings? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, God knows I don't. I know what it's like to have those body image issues. But I also know what it's like to have health issues because of unhealthy weight. I've worked hard to get my body into better shape and I personally prefer the human form without a lot of excess fat on it. I find the human body, with well-defined musculature, to be aesthetically pleasing, and the addition of lots of adipose tissue to be aesthetically displeasing.
So I'm spozed to not voice my opinions, worry about hurting someone's feelings, and what -- let them die a slow and miserable death? I'm not saying alienate them, but what's so wrong about speaking your mind?
Anyway. I'm off to Egypt and Israel in less than 48 hours. Really excited! Except that, of course, I haven't packed and still have about 30 term papers to grade. That would be daunting enough, but as I read them I'm discovering that my students just aren't getting the concepts we're teaching them. Add that to the challenges with tthe preparation of written materials, and you have the nightmare that is my weekend.
I probably need to get off the computer, get back to grading papers, and then get to bed.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Finally! Fresh veggies in the South Bronx!
Just couldn't take the grease culture any more, and those YouTube videos have made me averse to eating at McDonald's, but my body was desperately craving something raw, preferably fresh.
I set out, not sure where I was going, when I remembered the Chinese buffet up on 163rd. It's not as extensive as the Korean places you find in Manhattan, but is organized around the same theme (except for the C-town schmaltz for sale in the front of the store), so I thought I'd give it a shot. While the menu was overwhelmingly fried carbs, there was, at the end, a section with raw cucumbers, peppers and onions, and raw lettuce. Paradise!!! I can eat again!
On the way there, I had this whole conversation in my head. I'm sooo discouraged by some of my "senior" staff. While I'll withhold judgement on intent, it's the ability and the skillsets (or lack thereof) that have me concerned. I think the problem is a total immersion in those areas we presently refer to as "ghettoes." With the ghetto location and the ghetto identification comes a perverse sort of ghetto synthesis? that normalizes dysfunctional behavior. THAT's the root issue here, and I don't know how to fix it. We've normalized and elevated dysfunction so much that it's become culturally ingrained. It makes me sad.
I could go on, but need to stop here. In less than a week, I take off for Egypt and Israel/Palestine. I'm excited. I wish every person I know could make a journey from defeat to victory similar to mine; I have to remind myself that it's not my place to want to shape their lives. I think I have to be ok with people accepting that mediocrity and dysfunction are acceptable in their lives. Where I need to grow is in the ability to show them viable alternatives, so at least they will have motivation to have a desire for something better.
Last night, a bodybuilder friend of mine, Mike S, came with me to the Y. He worked me out, effectively being my personal trainer. It got me SUCH gym cred to have him with me: all the women and the men were eyeing him. And with good cause -- as I watched him work his sets, there was just something fascinating about looking at his musculature. He's got the kind of body that, when you see it, you assume they juice, but when I watched him work out, he looks totally natural. He's just SERIOUS about working out. The other thing, though, was that he has PERFECT form. It's amazing how much weight you can throw around when you're just pumping, but when you actually lift and do it correctly, you end up doing a lot less weight and a lot reps, but seeing more results. I always feel it after a workout, but I REALLY felt it last night. It was great. Have been doing total body workouts, and I'll still continue to do those, but he also showed me how to do other things. This way, in case I don't feel like doing total body, I can go and just do legs or just do arms or something.
Have now done every machine at the Y. I understand the Shoulder Press and the Bicep curl, as well as the glute machine ... I have lots of options now!
I set out, not sure where I was going, when I remembered the Chinese buffet up on 163rd. It's not as extensive as the Korean places you find in Manhattan, but is organized around the same theme (except for the C-town schmaltz for sale in the front of the store), so I thought I'd give it a shot. While the menu was overwhelmingly fried carbs, there was, at the end, a section with raw cucumbers, peppers and onions, and raw lettuce. Paradise!!! I can eat again!
On the way there, I had this whole conversation in my head. I'm sooo discouraged by some of my "senior" staff. While I'll withhold judgement on intent, it's the ability and the skillsets (or lack thereof) that have me concerned. I think the problem is a total immersion in those areas we presently refer to as "ghettoes." With the ghetto location and the ghetto identification comes a perverse sort of ghetto synthesis? that normalizes dysfunctional behavior. THAT's the root issue here, and I don't know how to fix it. We've normalized and elevated dysfunction so much that it's become culturally ingrained. It makes me sad.
I could go on, but need to stop here. In less than a week, I take off for Egypt and Israel/Palestine. I'm excited. I wish every person I know could make a journey from defeat to victory similar to mine; I have to remind myself that it's not my place to want to shape their lives. I think I have to be ok with people accepting that mediocrity and dysfunction are acceptable in their lives. Where I need to grow is in the ability to show them viable alternatives, so at least they will have motivation to have a desire for something better.
Last night, a bodybuilder friend of mine, Mike S, came with me to the Y. He worked me out, effectively being my personal trainer. It got me SUCH gym cred to have him with me: all the women and the men were eyeing him. And with good cause -- as I watched him work his sets, there was just something fascinating about looking at his musculature. He's got the kind of body that, when you see it, you assume they juice, but when I watched him work out, he looks totally natural. He's just SERIOUS about working out. The other thing, though, was that he has PERFECT form. It's amazing how much weight you can throw around when you're just pumping, but when you actually lift and do it correctly, you end up doing a lot less weight and a lot reps, but seeing more results. I always feel it after a workout, but I REALLY felt it last night. It was great. Have been doing total body workouts, and I'll still continue to do those, but he also showed me how to do other things. This way, in case I don't feel like doing total body, I can go and just do legs or just do arms or something.
Have now done every machine at the Y. I understand the Shoulder Press and the Bicep curl, as well as the glute machine ... I have lots of options now!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Life in the 'hood
Even though I didn't grow up in "the 'hood" (I grew up in a suburban community created by UNC for families of its African American workers, a community that has now become mostly student housing/supplemental income for the descendants of those workers) -- even though I didn't grow up in "the 'hood," I have a certain sense of identification with it. It's in the hood that I sort of came into awareness of myself. It's in the hood that I got to shake off the confusion caused by forced integration, New England prep schools, the Arizona desert and Wall Street all layered onto a person with no intrinsic understanding of themselves.
ANYway, yesterday I realized that there's still a good bit of the hood in me. I'd left Tonni's, and was tired so decided to take a shortcut through Mount Morris Park. Back in the day, when I lived in another part of the 'hood, I knew better than to go into Mount Morris Park even in the daytime. But this neighborhood is all gentrified now, and cutting through the park would save me a few blocks. Plus, I refuse to be intimidated cuz I'm a New Yorker, right?
So I'm cutting through the park and I see this guy. He's coming toward me and he has on a jogging suit with a jacket on top. No prob. Except that he's going into his rear waistband. And I'm thinking "can I take him? could I run for it? who's around?" All this stuff is going through my head, but my steps don't falter, and I lock eyes with him. Inside I'm wondering if he's carrying and if he's going to try to stick me up, but my eyes don't leave his. My look is not menacing, but it's not wilting, either. It's like, "yeah, what you got?," but with a little bit of a smile. I figured he had been up to no good when he didn't smile back, but he adjusted his jogging suit so it fell over whatever he had in his waistband, and he kept going.
Now there may have been absolutely no danger -- he could have been coming from relieving himself or something. I don't know. What I know is that I thought for a moment that I could have been in danger, and my first instinct was just like when I used to fight: size up the person in front of you without telegraphing your next action. I was happy with that.
This morning I walked to church, which is just over a mile. I had on heels. That's a new experience for me, walking (relatively) comfortably in heels. It's not something I need to do every day, but the weather is nice, and even with my collar on, I enjoy walking the streets of Harlem, greeting my neighbors. I also like walking to church on Sundays. It's how I was raised, that the Sabbath begins at sundown the night before, and you don't do any labor on the Sabbath. I think I'd like to observe that tradition more. It's restful and relaxing, and helps me, a good Methodist, to intentionally put observance of God into all my actions. It literally helps my walk match my talk. I walked back from church, too.
On the way back, I stopped at DD for a cappuccino. I don't know what happened, but it tasted funny. First of all, I think they may have put sugar in it instead of Splenda. Actually, that was second of all. First of all, I think they gave me a latte instead of a cappuccino. Cappuccinos, I believe, are like 1/3 coffee, 1/3 steamed milk and 1/3 foamed milk. Lattes are warm milk with coffee in them. The fun of a cappuccino comes from the foam and how it "melts" into the coffee drink below. So I'm pretty sure they gave me a latte instead of a cappuccino. Which annoyed me.
So I came home and cleared some space on the countertop, cleaned off my espresso machine and made myself a soy vanilla latte. I have everything I need (6 quarts of soymilk that don't even need to be refrigerated, a tin of decaf Cafe Pilon or El Tico or something, tons of Splenda, dominican vanilla and plenty of cinnamon). I didn't have to spend a penny and can have all the cappuccino, latte, or espresso I want, without having to worry about someone confusing my cappuccino with a latte, or giving me something with sugar instead of Splenda.
I realize that if my biggest problem is getting a latte instead of a cappuccino, that my life is tremendously blessed. I watched 60 minutes tonight as they profiled several people in my salary grade who've been out of work more than the Federal maximum of 99 weeks for unemployment benefit coverage (the maximum weekly benefit is $405, which I don't believe would even cover my mortgage). It's a blessing to have a job, and to not have to wonder how to pay for insurance, the mortgage, etc.
And it's a blessing to be able to have a life. I leave for Egypt a week from tomorrow, and am already making plans for a 2011 trip. I'm still looking at getting a car in 2011 or 2012, and I want to redo my mortgage for 15 years instead of 30. I don't know that I have the resources to do all that -- yet -- but at least I can begin to plan for it. I remember when, in another lifetime, I was without a passport for two years because I could never come up with the $35 or $55 it took to apply for one. I remember the day, in another lifetime, when I opened a drawer, found $0.75, and was delighted to be able to buy a fifty cent beer and a Little Debbie. I have to remember that horror, but I never have to relive it.
Life in the hood has changed a lot since I've been here, but as my Dad said, "I don't know why you ever thought you had to live like that. That's not what you come from." It took me a lifetime to realize who I am and what I come from. Now, I know who I am. I know my identity. I know who I am. My name is Victory!!
ANYway, yesterday I realized that there's still a good bit of the hood in me. I'd left Tonni's, and was tired so decided to take a shortcut through Mount Morris Park. Back in the day, when I lived in another part of the 'hood, I knew better than to go into Mount Morris Park even in the daytime. But this neighborhood is all gentrified now, and cutting through the park would save me a few blocks. Plus, I refuse to be intimidated cuz I'm a New Yorker, right?
So I'm cutting through the park and I see this guy. He's coming toward me and he has on a jogging suit with a jacket on top. No prob. Except that he's going into his rear waistband. And I'm thinking "can I take him? could I run for it? who's around?" All this stuff is going through my head, but my steps don't falter, and I lock eyes with him. Inside I'm wondering if he's carrying and if he's going to try to stick me up, but my eyes don't leave his. My look is not menacing, but it's not wilting, either. It's like, "yeah, what you got?," but with a little bit of a smile. I figured he had been up to no good when he didn't smile back, but he adjusted his jogging suit so it fell over whatever he had in his waistband, and he kept going.
Now there may have been absolutely no danger -- he could have been coming from relieving himself or something. I don't know. What I know is that I thought for a moment that I could have been in danger, and my first instinct was just like when I used to fight: size up the person in front of you without telegraphing your next action. I was happy with that.
This morning I walked to church, which is just over a mile. I had on heels. That's a new experience for me, walking (relatively) comfortably in heels. It's not something I need to do every day, but the weather is nice, and even with my collar on, I enjoy walking the streets of Harlem, greeting my neighbors. I also like walking to church on Sundays. It's how I was raised, that the Sabbath begins at sundown the night before, and you don't do any labor on the Sabbath. I think I'd like to observe that tradition more. It's restful and relaxing, and helps me, a good Methodist, to intentionally put observance of God into all my actions. It literally helps my walk match my talk. I walked back from church, too.
On the way back, I stopped at DD for a cappuccino. I don't know what happened, but it tasted funny. First of all, I think they may have put sugar in it instead of Splenda. Actually, that was second of all. First of all, I think they gave me a latte instead of a cappuccino. Cappuccinos, I believe, are like 1/3 coffee, 1/3 steamed milk and 1/3 foamed milk. Lattes are warm milk with coffee in them. The fun of a cappuccino comes from the foam and how it "melts" into the coffee drink below. So I'm pretty sure they gave me a latte instead of a cappuccino. Which annoyed me.
So I came home and cleared some space on the countertop, cleaned off my espresso machine and made myself a soy vanilla latte. I have everything I need (6 quarts of soymilk that don't even need to be refrigerated, a tin of decaf Cafe Pilon or El Tico or something, tons of Splenda, dominican vanilla and plenty of cinnamon). I didn't have to spend a penny and can have all the cappuccino, latte, or espresso I want, without having to worry about someone confusing my cappuccino with a latte, or giving me something with sugar instead of Splenda.
I realize that if my biggest problem is getting a latte instead of a cappuccino, that my life is tremendously blessed. I watched 60 minutes tonight as they profiled several people in my salary grade who've been out of work more than the Federal maximum of 99 weeks for unemployment benefit coverage (the maximum weekly benefit is $405, which I don't believe would even cover my mortgage). It's a blessing to have a job, and to not have to wonder how to pay for insurance, the mortgage, etc.
And it's a blessing to be able to have a life. I leave for Egypt a week from tomorrow, and am already making plans for a 2011 trip. I'm still looking at getting a car in 2011 or 2012, and I want to redo my mortgage for 15 years instead of 30. I don't know that I have the resources to do all that -- yet -- but at least I can begin to plan for it. I remember when, in another lifetime, I was without a passport for two years because I could never come up with the $35 or $55 it took to apply for one. I remember the day, in another lifetime, when I opened a drawer, found $0.75, and was delighted to be able to buy a fifty cent beer and a Little Debbie. I have to remember that horror, but I never have to relive it.
Life in the hood has changed a lot since I've been here, but as my Dad said, "I don't know why you ever thought you had to live like that. That's not what you come from." It took me a lifetime to realize who I am and what I come from. Now, I know who I am. I know my identity. I know who I am. My name is Victory!!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Mobile posting from bed
So I have iBlogger, which lets me blog from my iPhone. Though I really have to turn the autocorrect back on...
Today, after the morning step/swim class, I came home, did a little (very little) cleaning, then set off in search of an external battery pack, something like a mophie juice pak, for the iPhone 4. iP4 is basically a very expensive paperweight. Even jailbroken, I'm just bored with it. Why have a device that's marketed because of all the cool stuff it can do, only to have it lose power if you do any of that stuff?
So if I want to travel and post or fb from the different sites (God forbid i should try to geotag photos) -- if i want to do that from the iPhone 4, i'll prolly need an external source of power. So much for the sleek new look of the iP4.
Why does news4 recycle the news? You'll see a story, then a week or two later, you'll see it again. it's really disturbing for someone whose memory is as bad as mine ("did i see this already, or are my psychic powers kicking in?"), but it also has me wondering if the news4 programming people are on drugs or if they think New Yorkers are, or just that we're stupid?
I need to say something about TekServ on 23rd street. They are an Apple service center, but somebody ought to tell 'em that if their service is slower than what you get at the actual Apple store, it sorta defeats the purpose of coming into their store.... Of course, if my life were tied up to my old, out of warranty Apple and I couldn't afford the exorbitant Apple prices for repair or a new machine, then TekServ would make sense. I suppose....
Since i'm already in bed, I guess all that's left is for me to publish this post and close my eyes.
But if you're still reading and on the computer, check out xtranormal.com. it's a cool video editor with text to speech....
Today, after the morning step/swim class, I came home, did a little (very little) cleaning, then set off in search of an external battery pack, something like a mophie juice pak, for the iPhone 4. iP4 is basically a very expensive paperweight. Even jailbroken, I'm just bored with it. Why have a device that's marketed because of all the cool stuff it can do, only to have it lose power if you do any of that stuff?
So if I want to travel and post or fb from the different sites (God forbid i should try to geotag photos) -- if i want to do that from the iPhone 4, i'll prolly need an external source of power. So much for the sleek new look of the iP4.
Why does news4 recycle the news? You'll see a story, then a week or two later, you'll see it again. it's really disturbing for someone whose memory is as bad as mine ("did i see this already, or are my psychic powers kicking in?"), but it also has me wondering if the news4 programming people are on drugs or if they think New Yorkers are, or just that we're stupid?
I need to say something about TekServ on 23rd street. They are an Apple service center, but somebody ought to tell 'em that if their service is slower than what you get at the actual Apple store, it sorta defeats the purpose of coming into their store.... Of course, if my life were tied up to my old, out of warranty Apple and I couldn't afford the exorbitant Apple prices for repair or a new machine, then TekServ would make sense. I suppose....
Since i'm already in bed, I guess all that's left is for me to publish this post and close my eyes.
But if you're still reading and on the computer, check out xtranormal.com. it's a cool video editor with text to speech....
Friday, October 22, 2010
Sitting in the Apple store on the UWS
waiting for an appointment at the Genius Bar. Hopefully they'll do a diagnostic on my phone and let me know why it loses approximately 1% of battery life for every minute it's turned on....
So it's 1 am and I'm home, after realizing that the Apple Store exists solely for the purpose of continuing the cult. Normal people have social lives on Friday nights, but because I have an iPhone 4, my weekends are routinely spent with the geniuses at Apple's Genius Bar.
What I learned from tonight is that someone could jailbreak their iphone and if there were ever a problem, restore it to the latest OS, then take it into the Apple Store where the geniuses would likely not be able to detect it had previously been jailbroken and where the warranty would still be in effect. This is all in the conditional tense, of course, because I'm not speaking from personal experience.
So the net result of going to the Apple store is that I got some screen protectors for $5.00 from the guy outside (who definitely calls me ma'am now) after discovering that my battery, according to Apple's diagnostics, is functioning properly. The genius told me that those long battery life hour quotes are only good for if the phone is sitting around NOT DOING ANYTHING (like, what good is that?), but that if I'm actually USING it, 7 hours is great. So I guess this "wonderful" phone that multitasks and surfs the net and all that is really not the workhorse one would expect if, say, one has to be out of the office all day and needs to call in, do conference calls, find directions on GPS, send emails ... instead of spending $300.00 on a phone, I shoulda bought a netbook and installed skype or google voice. That woould have been a wiser use of my money than this stupid iPhone. Somehow, I think its main purpose is simply to feed our addiction to the cult so we'll want (or think we need) to buy iPads.
Anyway. I have my phone back, and have installed beJeweled, CNN, and a buncha other stuff. I've also discovered an external battery pack -- SO not good looking, and counter to the sleek new design of the ip4, but something I need to consider if I'm going to be running around the middle east and wanting to tweet or facebook from, say, the Pyramids (assuming there's connectivity out there).
I started this post with something in mind, but I've forgotten it now. Before I went to the Apple Store, I went into Trader Joe's for the first time ever. I think it's a bit more my speed than whole paycheck, although I still love whole paycheck's indian bar... After I left the Apple store I visited RM and his friend H, two people who, while seated and under the influence, soundly kicked my behind in Wii tennis AND golf.
OK, I feel old now. I'm going to bed. But before I do, I'm excited about getting the CD today from my PET scan. It's part of that whole GE imaging thing -- I pop the CD in, the GE program opens up, and I can actually see the PET scan. I guess it's a couple hundred X-rays that, when viewed consecutively, show a more complete picture of your insides -- it's really cool to scroll through it and look at your muscles, then at your organs. It was fascinating. Of course, reading the doctor's report that there's no trace of cancer in my body was good, too.
I'm really going to bed now.
So it's 1 am and I'm home, after realizing that the Apple Store exists solely for the purpose of continuing the cult. Normal people have social lives on Friday nights, but because I have an iPhone 4, my weekends are routinely spent with the geniuses at Apple's Genius Bar.
What I learned from tonight is that someone could jailbreak their iphone and if there were ever a problem, restore it to the latest OS, then take it into the Apple Store where the geniuses would likely not be able to detect it had previously been jailbroken and where the warranty would still be in effect. This is all in the conditional tense, of course, because I'm not speaking from personal experience.
So the net result of going to the Apple store is that I got some screen protectors for $5.00 from the guy outside (who definitely calls me ma'am now) after discovering that my battery, according to Apple's diagnostics, is functioning properly. The genius told me that those long battery life hour quotes are only good for if the phone is sitting around NOT DOING ANYTHING (like, what good is that?), but that if I'm actually USING it, 7 hours is great. So I guess this "wonderful" phone that multitasks and surfs the net and all that is really not the workhorse one would expect if, say, one has to be out of the office all day and needs to call in, do conference calls, find directions on GPS, send emails ... instead of spending $300.00 on a phone, I shoulda bought a netbook and installed skype or google voice. That woould have been a wiser use of my money than this stupid iPhone. Somehow, I think its main purpose is simply to feed our addiction to the cult so we'll want (or think we need) to buy iPads.
Anyway. I have my phone back, and have installed beJeweled, CNN, and a buncha other stuff. I've also discovered an external battery pack -- SO not good looking, and counter to the sleek new design of the ip4, but something I need to consider if I'm going to be running around the middle east and wanting to tweet or facebook from, say, the Pyramids (assuming there's connectivity out there).
I started this post with something in mind, but I've forgotten it now. Before I went to the Apple Store, I went into Trader Joe's for the first time ever. I think it's a bit more my speed than whole paycheck, although I still love whole paycheck's indian bar... After I left the Apple store I visited RM and his friend H, two people who, while seated and under the influence, soundly kicked my behind in Wii tennis AND golf.
OK, I feel old now. I'm going to bed. But before I do, I'm excited about getting the CD today from my PET scan. It's part of that whole GE imaging thing -- I pop the CD in, the GE program opens up, and I can actually see the PET scan. I guess it's a couple hundred X-rays that, when viewed consecutively, show a more complete picture of your insides -- it's really cool to scroll through it and look at your muscles, then at your organs. It was fascinating. Of course, reading the doctor's report that there's no trace of cancer in my body was good, too.
I'm really going to bed now.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Question:
Why would we Tivo the news? After it's old, it's not news any more. And if you have Tivo, wouldn't you also have access to a 24-hour news channel?
Missed my calling...
Before I get started, does anyone know why Java has to update every other day? It's as annoying as these "product registrations" that are not registrations but thinly-disguised ruses to get you on mailing lists or to get you to install a toolbar you don't want.
Tonite I came home to find an envelope from the seminary. It was noticeable because the lettering was absolutely perfect. I opened it to find a paper from a student. This is not my student, but a student in a class taught by a former prof at the seminary. Because I'm reading some papers leftover from a class I TA'd with that prof, apparently the assumption is that I can read other papers from that prof's class.
I don't know anything about the subject matter, but I actually did a jig coming down the hall. I was excited at the prospect of learning more and of assisting a student. It seems I missed my calling. As I wondered how in the world I chose to leave academia, I remember it was because I listened to someone I didn't even know that well, someone from the other side of the family, who, when I told them I was thinking about a Ph.D., told me I shouldn't "be a professional student." Worst advice I ever got, and leaving academia was a huge mistake.
Another mistake, it seems, was not getting my board into shape sooner. For a long list of reasons that should not be put on the internet, I find myself attempting to re-shape a board that has been systemically dysfunctional for years. While my gut wants to turn tail and run far, far away from all this, my heart says to stay and struggle because I know I can do some good in this place. It's going to be a long tough struggle, but there is good at the end.
So I'm recruiting Board members with skills and abilities to actually monitor the organization. Those who've been hanging around for years will be able to remain on as Advisory Committee or Community Liaison members.
As I think about my church and its lack of theological undergirding, I remember the lecture tonight, where we talked about how people in the Wesleyan traditions do not have statements of faith so much as we have Books of Discipline. The books of discipline govern how we are to walk in the world, and that walk is an expression of our theological understanding.
But there is lots of room for interpretation in the gap. Wouldn't it be nice if we were to draft a theological statement? That statement could be how we differentiate ourselves -- we do specify not just our walk, but also the underlying theological convictions that dictate how we walk.
OK, I need to go to bed now....
Tonite I came home to find an envelope from the seminary. It was noticeable because the lettering was absolutely perfect. I opened it to find a paper from a student. This is not my student, but a student in a class taught by a former prof at the seminary. Because I'm reading some papers leftover from a class I TA'd with that prof, apparently the assumption is that I can read other papers from that prof's class.
I don't know anything about the subject matter, but I actually did a jig coming down the hall. I was excited at the prospect of learning more and of assisting a student. It seems I missed my calling. As I wondered how in the world I chose to leave academia, I remember it was because I listened to someone I didn't even know that well, someone from the other side of the family, who, when I told them I was thinking about a Ph.D., told me I shouldn't "be a professional student." Worst advice I ever got, and leaving academia was a huge mistake.
Another mistake, it seems, was not getting my board into shape sooner. For a long list of reasons that should not be put on the internet, I find myself attempting to re-shape a board that has been systemically dysfunctional for years. While my gut wants to turn tail and run far, far away from all this, my heart says to stay and struggle because I know I can do some good in this place. It's going to be a long tough struggle, but there is good at the end.
So I'm recruiting Board members with skills and abilities to actually monitor the organization. Those who've been hanging around for years will be able to remain on as Advisory Committee or Community Liaison members.
As I think about my church and its lack of theological undergirding, I remember the lecture tonight, where we talked about how people in the Wesleyan traditions do not have statements of faith so much as we have Books of Discipline. The books of discipline govern how we are to walk in the world, and that walk is an expression of our theological understanding.
But there is lots of room for interpretation in the gap. Wouldn't it be nice if we were to draft a theological statement? That statement could be how we differentiate ourselves -- we do specify not just our walk, but also the underlying theological convictions that dictate how we walk.
OK, I need to go to bed now....
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Homeless Vets
How in the world can our country have homeless veterans? I'm watching 60 minutes and just can't understand how we as a country can hold our heads up when the men and women who've risked their lives for our country are allowed to live on the streets? In one city alone, there are over 800 homeless veterans.
We're a country that spends millions of dollars on frivolity. While I'm certainly not a proponent of war, I do have a heart for the folk who stay here and do their military service rather than running to Canada, Brazil, or some other country. With all the money we spend on the military, can we not find some money to take care of the folks who serve when they return? It doesn't have to be forever, just long enough for them to make an effort to get the horrors of war out of their systems and return to mainstream society.
I'd certainly rather have my money spent on our returning soldiers than I would on Israeli settlements. I'm happy to see that 60 Minutes is finally letting people know about the Israeli government's systematic attempts to overtake all the Palestinian Territories, and to effectively derail any efforts of peace talks. It's just wrong what the Israeli government is doing. A couple of things the 60 minutes report left out: it showed Palestinian neighborhoods and called them slums. Fair reporting would have demanded that they also show the inequitable social and living conditions imposed upon Palestinians in Israel -- if they serve in the military and pay taxes, then they support a government that wants to destroy them (which, coincidentally, is the same justification the Israeli government uses to condone the violence it visits upon Palestinians), if they fail to serve in the military, then they cannot get working papers and so are doomed to a life of poverty. Israel relegates the Palestinians to second-class status, not affording them education or other social services. This is a built-in inequity, eerily similar to what was done to the Jewish people in Europe.
But I've blogged on that before. The point is, I don't want my money supporting a racist regime at the expense of Americans who have sacrificed for America. I just don't.
Oh. The other thing with the current squabble over Jerusalem is this: the mayor of Jerusalem talks about it being a tourist place, and that the Jewish people will never stand for it to be divided. That's bull. If you just let the Israelis control the Jewish holy sites and let the Palestinians control the Christian holy sites (which are located in the Palestinian territories), and let the revenues from each flow to the appropriate body (with no Israeli levying of taxes or limiting tourist access to the Christian holy sites), then perhaps the Palestinians could generate some revenue. I think the Christian holy sites would generate more revenue than the Jewish holy sites, and if the Palestinians were allowed access to and control of the revenues from the Christian sites, that might allow for a bit of equity in the conversation.
But the way it's happening now, the Israelis are shackling the feet of the Palestinians, then criticizing them for not running in a footrace with the Israelis.
OK. That's that.
Today I walked in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer five mile walk around Central Park. It was bigger than I ever recall it being. It was a beautiful day, and although I met some folk at the bus stop at 116th and more when the M1 ended at 106th Street and we had to change to the M3, I set out to walk by myself. I'm bopping along when I see these women with "Dance for Joy Ministries" on the back of their shirts. I'm thinking, "hmmm, isn't that Theresa H's ministry?" when who do I see but Theresa H?!?! As I'm shouting out to her, Michelle R-H comes up and gives me a hug!!! We did the whole walk together. It was great to see her and be reconnected with her. This was her first walk; I doubt it will be her last. I also ran into Sandy from Turning Heads, the woman who used to do my hair. I'll have to go back to her some day...
My feet are killing me. After the walk I went to church and caught the end of Bible Study; then I went down to Whole Paycheck. As I attempt to eat keep my protein levels up, I find their Hot Food bar is great. They usually have Indian, and some kind of Cuban or Dominican Beef or Chicken -- there's tasty, well-seasoned meat, and I can get jsut meat instead of meat with stuff mixed in. A small container is usually about $15.00, BUT IT LASTS ME ALL WEEK!!! So that's good. Whole Paycheck is so overpriced, though.. I eat in phases (I want to say binges, but that's dangerous). I eat in phases, and now I'm on an olive phase. Sat here last night and spent about half an hour trying to decide what to eat; went to the fridge and ate three of my garlic-stuffed olives, and I was good. They're chewy, and now that I know McDonald's food is designed to satisfy our cravings for salt and fat, well --- don't olives kinda do the same thing, only healthier? So I'm keeping a supply of olives and the little bitty cucumber thingies (They have some fancy name, but I forget it). Last time I went through an olive phase, when it ended, the olives sat in my fridge forever. I have to go throw all the crap out of my fridge from old phases. Anyway. The point of this all was to say that the olive bar at Whole Paycheck is 9.99 a pound, and the exact same olive bar is 7.99 a pound at Garden of Eden. So I'll start shopping at Garden of Eden. Their hot food bar isn't as good, but if I eat more olives, I'll prolly eat less hot food....
So my boy RM jailbroke my iphone for me on Friday. I LOVED IT!!! I don't know if it's the jailbreak or the fact that I keep my phone plugged in all the time, but I noticed that the battery is shot. I made one or two phone calls today and played my ipod, and by 5:00 the device had completely shut off because the battery was shot. Last week, I could surf the net and do all kinds of things all day long without the battery even going into the red. In order to check if it's the jailbreak that's causing the issue (and if it's not, then to make use of the warranty), I had to restore it to factory settings, and have to keep it that way long enough for the device to check in with Apple's servers. And since I could never download the new OS (see my apple rant from a while back), RM was kind enough to download the new OS and give it to me. So I updated to 4.0.1 and will have to leave it there for a while. Problem is, all the new apps I've spent the last coupla days downloading have now disappeared. Except for iVocabulary. Weird, since it's also a paid app...
Two weeks, more or less, til we depart for Cairo!! I'm testing sending my blog posts to an RSS feed and then tweeting that; I'm going to try to monetize this blog like BM and RM. But slowly, over time..
Anyhow. My feet are killing me, and I want to go to bed early. But before I quit, I have to give a shout out to Tonni's Minis, on about 123rd Street and Lenox Avenue in Harlem. THEY ARE OFF THE CHAIN!! I don't eat carbs (so I say), and I've been there twice in two days. I went because I'd been at a party where someone brought their red velvet cupcakes. While the cream cheese icing on them is magnificent (it's a little sweet, but there's enough cream cheese that you can taste the tanginess), their chocolate cupcakes are really where the action is!! They have minis for $12.00 a dozen, and their medium cupcakes are maybe 2.25 each. They have a large cupcake as well, but I never even asked about it. They make cakes out of cupcakes, have cute little designs, and are a local small business I want to support (they're in the first floor level of a brownstone). But more important than anything, THEIR CUPCAKES ARE DELICIOUS!!! TRY TONNI'S MINIS. They aren't real fast, but they are worth the wait. You choose the cake type (they have others, but all that's important is chocolate and red velvet), then you choose the icing (there's buttercream, cream cheese, chocolate and other stuff that nobody cares about), then you choose the toppings: walnuts, coconut, and other stuff that I don't care about because I wouldn't want it on my cupcakes. But no matter what your tastes are, you will LOVE Tonni's Minis!!! They have other stuff, too, and they're not a large operation like Make My Cake, but you need to try Tonni's Minis.
PS: Now I'm ecstatic! I noticed in iTunes that it had automatically deleted all apps not purchased through the App store. They are bright, those Apple Engineers. But I just checked the apps and re-synched them. Assuming the sync goes ok, I should be fine.
But, of course, the sync didn't go ok. Unknown Error. So now I can't play bejeweled or blog from my iphone or use my iTorah....
There's two guys singing nice harmony as they are kicked off The Great Race or whatever that show is...
We're a country that spends millions of dollars on frivolity. While I'm certainly not a proponent of war, I do have a heart for the folk who stay here and do their military service rather than running to Canada, Brazil, or some other country. With all the money we spend on the military, can we not find some money to take care of the folks who serve when they return? It doesn't have to be forever, just long enough for them to make an effort to get the horrors of war out of their systems and return to mainstream society.
I'd certainly rather have my money spent on our returning soldiers than I would on Israeli settlements. I'm happy to see that 60 Minutes is finally letting people know about the Israeli government's systematic attempts to overtake all the Palestinian Territories, and to effectively derail any efforts of peace talks. It's just wrong what the Israeli government is doing. A couple of things the 60 minutes report left out: it showed Palestinian neighborhoods and called them slums. Fair reporting would have demanded that they also show the inequitable social and living conditions imposed upon Palestinians in Israel -- if they serve in the military and pay taxes, then they support a government that wants to destroy them (which, coincidentally, is the same justification the Israeli government uses to condone the violence it visits upon Palestinians), if they fail to serve in the military, then they cannot get working papers and so are doomed to a life of poverty. Israel relegates the Palestinians to second-class status, not affording them education or other social services. This is a built-in inequity, eerily similar to what was done to the Jewish people in Europe.
But I've blogged on that before. The point is, I don't want my money supporting a racist regime at the expense of Americans who have sacrificed for America. I just don't.
Oh. The other thing with the current squabble over Jerusalem is this: the mayor of Jerusalem talks about it being a tourist place, and that the Jewish people will never stand for it to be divided. That's bull. If you just let the Israelis control the Jewish holy sites and let the Palestinians control the Christian holy sites (which are located in the Palestinian territories), and let the revenues from each flow to the appropriate body (with no Israeli levying of taxes or limiting tourist access to the Christian holy sites), then perhaps the Palestinians could generate some revenue. I think the Christian holy sites would generate more revenue than the Jewish holy sites, and if the Palestinians were allowed access to and control of the revenues from the Christian sites, that might allow for a bit of equity in the conversation.
But the way it's happening now, the Israelis are shackling the feet of the Palestinians, then criticizing them for not running in a footrace with the Israelis.
OK. That's that.
Today I walked in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer five mile walk around Central Park. It was bigger than I ever recall it being. It was a beautiful day, and although I met some folk at the bus stop at 116th and more when the M1 ended at 106th Street and we had to change to the M3, I set out to walk by myself. I'm bopping along when I see these women with "Dance for Joy Ministries" on the back of their shirts. I'm thinking, "hmmm, isn't that Theresa H's ministry?" when who do I see but Theresa H?!?! As I'm shouting out to her, Michelle R-H comes up and gives me a hug!!! We did the whole walk together. It was great to see her and be reconnected with her. This was her first walk; I doubt it will be her last. I also ran into Sandy from Turning Heads, the woman who used to do my hair. I'll have to go back to her some day...
My feet are killing me. After the walk I went to church and caught the end of Bible Study; then I went down to Whole Paycheck. As I attempt to eat keep my protein levels up, I find their Hot Food bar is great. They usually have Indian, and some kind of Cuban or Dominican Beef or Chicken -- there's tasty, well-seasoned meat, and I can get jsut meat instead of meat with stuff mixed in. A small container is usually about $15.00, BUT IT LASTS ME ALL WEEK!!! So that's good. Whole Paycheck is so overpriced, though.. I eat in phases (I want to say binges, but that's dangerous). I eat in phases, and now I'm on an olive phase. Sat here last night and spent about half an hour trying to decide what to eat; went to the fridge and ate three of my garlic-stuffed olives, and I was good. They're chewy, and now that I know McDonald's food is designed to satisfy our cravings for salt and fat, well --- don't olives kinda do the same thing, only healthier? So I'm keeping a supply of olives and the little bitty cucumber thingies (They have some fancy name, but I forget it). Last time I went through an olive phase, when it ended, the olives sat in my fridge forever. I have to go throw all the crap out of my fridge from old phases. Anyway. The point of this all was to say that the olive bar at Whole Paycheck is 9.99 a pound, and the exact same olive bar is 7.99 a pound at Garden of Eden. So I'll start shopping at Garden of Eden. Their hot food bar isn't as good, but if I eat more olives, I'll prolly eat less hot food....
So my boy RM jailbroke my iphone for me on Friday. I LOVED IT!!! I don't know if it's the jailbreak or the fact that I keep my phone plugged in all the time, but I noticed that the battery is shot. I made one or two phone calls today and played my ipod, and by 5:00 the device had completely shut off because the battery was shot. Last week, I could surf the net and do all kinds of things all day long without the battery even going into the red. In order to check if it's the jailbreak that's causing the issue (and if it's not, then to make use of the warranty), I had to restore it to factory settings, and have to keep it that way long enough for the device to check in with Apple's servers. And since I could never download the new OS (see my apple rant from a while back), RM was kind enough to download the new OS and give it to me. So I updated to 4.0.1 and will have to leave it there for a while. Problem is, all the new apps I've spent the last coupla days downloading have now disappeared. Except for iVocabulary. Weird, since it's also a paid app...
Two weeks, more or less, til we depart for Cairo!! I'm testing sending my blog posts to an RSS feed and then tweeting that; I'm going to try to monetize this blog like BM and RM. But slowly, over time..
Anyhow. My feet are killing me, and I want to go to bed early. But before I quit, I have to give a shout out to Tonni's Minis, on about 123rd Street and Lenox Avenue in Harlem. THEY ARE OFF THE CHAIN!! I don't eat carbs (so I say), and I've been there twice in two days. I went because I'd been at a party where someone brought their red velvet cupcakes. While the cream cheese icing on them is magnificent (it's a little sweet, but there's enough cream cheese that you can taste the tanginess), their chocolate cupcakes are really where the action is!! They have minis for $12.00 a dozen, and their medium cupcakes are maybe 2.25 each. They have a large cupcake as well, but I never even asked about it. They make cakes out of cupcakes, have cute little designs, and are a local small business I want to support (they're in the first floor level of a brownstone). But more important than anything, THEIR CUPCAKES ARE DELICIOUS!!! TRY TONNI'S MINIS. They aren't real fast, but they are worth the wait. You choose the cake type (they have others, but all that's important is chocolate and red velvet), then you choose the icing (there's buttercream, cream cheese, chocolate and other stuff that nobody cares about), then you choose the toppings: walnuts, coconut, and other stuff that I don't care about because I wouldn't want it on my cupcakes. But no matter what your tastes are, you will LOVE Tonni's Minis!!! They have other stuff, too, and they're not a large operation like Make My Cake, but you need to try Tonni's Minis.
PS: Now I'm ecstatic! I noticed in iTunes that it had automatically deleted all apps not purchased through the App store. They are bright, those Apple Engineers. But I just checked the apps and re-synched them. Assuming the sync goes ok, I should be fine.
But, of course, the sync didn't go ok. Unknown Error. So now I can't play bejeweled or blog from my iphone or use my iTorah....
There's two guys singing nice harmony as they are kicked off The Great Race or whatever that show is...
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
My holiness is my salvation
It's been over a week since I last posted. That seems amazing, but it's indicative of the pace at which I'm running. In 2 1/2 weeks, I leave for Cairo! Can't wait! I wonder if Cairo has anything to do with the Greek Kairos?
Anyway, the posting for today is "my holiness is my salvation." It seems pretty simple. I've already said that my holiness is the salvation of the world. So what about nmy own salvation? I cannot give what I do not have. A savior must be saved. How else can they teach salvation? According to the work, my salvation is crucial to the salvation of the world. As you apply the exercises to my own world, the whole world stands to benefit.
My holiness is the answer to every question that was ever asked, is being asked now, or will be asked in the future. My holiness means the end of guilt, and therefore the end of hell -- or so says the Course. I'm not quite there yet. My holiness is the salvation of the world, and my own salvation, it says. If holiness belongs to me (and it does because it is my birthright), then how could I be excluded from it? God does not know unholiness.
At this point, the Course goes on to equate us with Jesus. I'm not there, so I'll stop this for now. I do want to continue the Course, and I do believe more will be revealed, but I also have enough spiritual discernment to know when something is a crock, and the path this course is going down is a crock. Or it feels that way to me.
Oh, well. I've posted. Incredibly busy so I won't post more, but I've posted for the day.
Anyway, the posting for today is "my holiness is my salvation." It seems pretty simple. I've already said that my holiness is the salvation of the world. So what about nmy own salvation? I cannot give what I do not have. A savior must be saved. How else can they teach salvation? According to the work, my salvation is crucial to the salvation of the world. As you apply the exercises to my own world, the whole world stands to benefit.
My holiness is the answer to every question that was ever asked, is being asked now, or will be asked in the future. My holiness means the end of guilt, and therefore the end of hell -- or so says the Course. I'm not quite there yet. My holiness is the salvation of the world, and my own salvation, it says. If holiness belongs to me (and it does because it is my birthright), then how could I be excluded from it? God does not know unholiness.
At this point, the Course goes on to equate us with Jesus. I'm not there, so I'll stop this for now. I do want to continue the Course, and I do believe more will be revealed, but I also have enough spiritual discernment to know when something is a crock, and the path this course is going down is a crock. Or it feels that way to me.
Oh, well. I've posted. Incredibly busy so I won't post more, but I've posted for the day.
Monday, October 4, 2010
There is Nothing my Holiness Cannot Do
The Course teaches for today that: My holiness reverses all the laws of the world. It is beyond every restriction of time, space, distance and limits of any kind. My holiness is totally unlimited in its power because it establishes me as a Son of God, at one with the Mind of my Creator. Through my holiness the power of God is made manifest. Through my holiness the power of God is made available. And there is nothing the power of God cannot do.
My holiness, then, can remove all pain, can end all sorrow, and can solve all problems. It can do so in connection with me and with anyone else. It is equal in its power to help anyone, because it is equal in its power to save anyone. If I am holy, so is everything God created. I am holy because all things He created are holy. And all things He created are holy because I am.
OK, so let me try to apply the principle to something that happened in church yesterday. It's the first sunday, a time when we traditionally celebrate Communion. After Communion, Bible Study was scheduled, but of course a business meeting took place. Then somehow the little demon who is planning the church anniversary tried to slip a meeting in. Chaos and confusion resulted. I attempted to conduct Bible Study -- I asked three times if anyone was going to stay, but by then the people were so frazzled that no one was able to see through the veil or to even hear the questions. So I shook the dust off my feet and left.
Now, according to the course, my holiness should have been able to overcome this situation. I want to know how. I thought my holiness was helping to fix what's broken at the church -- I thought that sharing the knowledge of the Word would help to refocus people. But if people are led down a road that focuses on building the house, without a focus on the Word, and if I attempt to reorient them to the Word but their appointed leader orients them towards housebuilding, I don't understand what I'm supposed to do? I guess the shift that could have occured was for me to have stayed and wrestled with the demon longer, or to have called her out -- but it had already devolved to me making announcements and the demon trying to shout me down. We had a couple of contests, but a) I don't think that behavior is appropriate in the Sanctuary; and b) I don't know -- there comes a time when you know a particular battle isn't yours.
Teaching is what I'm called to do, but I'm not able to teach everyone. I'm not given charge over this particular church, but I AM charged with teaching future generations of preachers. So perhaps I'm not able to reach the people in one place; the Course says my holiness is totally unrestricted in its power because it establishes me as a Son of God. I believe that, but I don't believe I need to be drawn into every battle or diversion the enemy creates. The Course doesn't seem to believe in an enemy or any type of evil force; hmmmm... don't know what to make of the demon in that case.
I'm trying to work through this. There is nothing my Holiness Cannot Do. So I CAN teach the Bible to people, even when they are scattered and unfocused. I can because I am a child of God and have been empowered with God's power. Perhaps I need more training in its application. Which is what this course is all about....
My holiness, then, can remove all pain, can end all sorrow, and can solve all problems. It can do so in connection with me and with anyone else. It is equal in its power to help anyone, because it is equal in its power to save anyone. If I am holy, so is everything God created. I am holy because all things He created are holy. And all things He created are holy because I am.
OK, so let me try to apply the principle to something that happened in church yesterday. It's the first sunday, a time when we traditionally celebrate Communion. After Communion, Bible Study was scheduled, but of course a business meeting took place. Then somehow the little demon who is planning the church anniversary tried to slip a meeting in. Chaos and confusion resulted. I attempted to conduct Bible Study -- I asked three times if anyone was going to stay, but by then the people were so frazzled that no one was able to see through the veil or to even hear the questions. So I shook the dust off my feet and left.
Now, according to the course, my holiness should have been able to overcome this situation. I want to know how. I thought my holiness was helping to fix what's broken at the church -- I thought that sharing the knowledge of the Word would help to refocus people. But if people are led down a road that focuses on building the house, without a focus on the Word, and if I attempt to reorient them to the Word but their appointed leader orients them towards housebuilding, I don't understand what I'm supposed to do? I guess the shift that could have occured was for me to have stayed and wrestled with the demon longer, or to have called her out -- but it had already devolved to me making announcements and the demon trying to shout me down. We had a couple of contests, but a) I don't think that behavior is appropriate in the Sanctuary; and b) I don't know -- there comes a time when you know a particular battle isn't yours.
Teaching is what I'm called to do, but I'm not able to teach everyone. I'm not given charge over this particular church, but I AM charged with teaching future generations of preachers. So perhaps I'm not able to reach the people in one place; the Course says my holiness is totally unrestricted in its power because it establishes me as a Son of God. I believe that, but I don't believe I need to be drawn into every battle or diversion the enemy creates. The Course doesn't seem to believe in an enemy or any type of evil force; hmmmm... don't know what to make of the demon in that case.
I'm trying to work through this. There is nothing my Holiness Cannot Do. So I CAN teach the Bible to people, even when they are scattered and unfocused. I can because I am a child of God and have been empowered with God's power. Perhaps I need more training in its application. Which is what this course is all about....
Friday, October 1, 2010
My Holiness Blesses The World
See, the issue I have with the Course (if you're new to this, I'm working my way through A Course In Miracles) -- the problem I have with the Course is that now we're getting to the parts where I have substantive theological differences with it. The Course is predicated on the idea that Jesus is A son of God, rather than THE Incarnated Son of God. While the Course and I both agree that Jesus is our Elder Brother, I think it does so by diminishing the status of Jesus, while I consider Him my Elder Brother because of His status and, through it, His ability to elevate me.
So when the course says "My Holiness Blesses the World," I am resistant to it. I am resistant to it because it sounds pompous and self-serving to me. What I struggle to understand is that this idea contains the first glimmerings of my true function in the world, or why I am here. According to the course, my purpose is to see the world through my own holiness. That's hard for me, but if I do it, I and the world are blessed together. No one loses; nothing is taken away from anyone; everyone gains through my holy vision. (I guess that way I speak life into myself and the world around me)
My holiness blessing the world signifies the end of sacrifice, because it offers everyone his full due. (I don't understand that). And everyone is entitled to everything, because it is our birthright as Children of God. This is about my Father being rich in houses and land, I guess....
There is no other way in which the idea of sacrifice can be removed from the world’s thinking. (I'm not yet ready to give up the Sacrifice that Jesus made!!!) Any other way of seeing will inevitably demand payment of someone or something (again, I'm not ready to give up or in any way minimize or diminish the Sacrifice that Jesus made!). See, here is where I start to have problems with the Course, because this sort of thinking is about to set us up to think that The Ultimate Sacrifice was not necessary. I don't believe that, and I don't believe that I, as a perceiver, will lose because of His Sacrifice. The course says I will and that I will not have any idea why I am losing. But it says that my (and the world's) wholeness is restored to our awareness through my vision. My holiness blesses people by asking nothing of them. Those who see themselves as whole make no demands.
The course says my holiness is the salvation of the world. If I see a holy world, then I create a holy world, and that holiness is the salvation. It lets me teach the world that it is one with me, not by preaching to it, not by telling it anything, but merely by my quiet recognition that in my holiness are all things blessed, along with me.
Yeah, I'm not really with this idea yet. Maybe later.
On another note,
This is a video from Ellen DeGeneris. I'm posting it because recently someone on FB asked for prayer for this kid's family. What resulted was a diatribe on the evils of homosexuality.
It kills me how we Christians talk about Jesus who looked beyond our faults and saw our needs, and who casts our sins into the Sea of Forgetfulness. We want to be like Jesus, but when we see someone we believe has sinned, we can't even express compassion for them without highlighting what we think is their sins (which is, of course, appropriate if you're the self-appointed moral police of the universe). While I say "it kills me" as a figure of speech, this kind of intolerance and hypocrisy is literally killing our children.
In the Bible I read, the only time Jesus got mad was at the folks at the door of the church, forcing people to effectively equate money with holiness. I see a lot of passages where He talks about not accumulating wealth, but sharing it with those who don't have it. And, of course, I see His frustration with those whose hearts would follow Him but who don't seem to "get" it. Today we have some folk who take vows of poverty to serve the Lord, and some who drive around in Bentleys and fly private jets to serve the Lord. Those two lifestyles are diametrically opposed, but I've never seen anyone express the virulent opposition to either of them, or denounce either of them as sinful the way homosexuality gets denounced. Yet Jesus said in His Word that it is harder for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven... I don't see anyone having marches denouncing rich people, or accusing them of distorting God's word.
In Matthew 19:21, Mark 10:21, and Luke 12:33, Jesus tells a rich young man that he should sell all his possessions and give them to the poor and THEN come follow Jesus if he wants to have eternal life. That's the Word of God. So how then, in contrast to Jesus' words, do you justify the "prosperity gospel" that's so popular, often among the same people who are rabidly homophobic because of the rigidity in their reading of what they believe to be Scripture? I don't get it. It's ok to distort the Word when it says what you want it to say, but if someone else points out something you don't like, they're a heretic or unholy?
OK, I'm ranting now. But it bothers me. The ignorance and intolerance we exhibit as Christians really bothers me. If we clung to our ideas of holiness, and they were powerful, wouldn't our being holy be enough to bless the world? And I can't help but think that, if we are truly being holy, that our actions are then not going to be hateful. When we have this judgemental attitude that makes other folk less-than, then we create an atmosphere in which it's ok for our kids to taunt them and mistreat them -- in the whole diatribe that set me off, this woman talked about the sin of homosexuality and how it was the kid's fault for being gay and the parents' fault for raising him in a gay environment (or something bizarrely stupid like that) -- never once in the discussion was it mentioned that the kids who violated this child's privacy and live-streamed his sex acts on the internet -- never once was it mentioned that THEY had any culpability. When I suggested they did, the conversation shifted to no one being culprits, but everyone being victims.
Please. Let me go back to Wesley's three simple rules: Do no harm. Do good. Stay in love with God. Let me add to that the Course teaching for today: My holiness blesses the World. Are your thoughts, words, and deeds a blessing to all the world today?
So when the course says "My Holiness Blesses the World," I am resistant to it. I am resistant to it because it sounds pompous and self-serving to me. What I struggle to understand is that this idea contains the first glimmerings of my true function in the world, or why I am here. According to the course, my purpose is to see the world through my own holiness. That's hard for me, but if I do it, I and the world are blessed together. No one loses; nothing is taken away from anyone; everyone gains through my holy vision. (I guess that way I speak life into myself and the world around me)
My holiness blessing the world signifies the end of sacrifice, because it offers everyone his full due. (I don't understand that). And everyone is entitled to everything, because it is our birthright as Children of God. This is about my Father being rich in houses and land, I guess....
There is no other way in which the idea of sacrifice can be removed from the world’s thinking. (I'm not yet ready to give up the Sacrifice that Jesus made!!!) Any other way of seeing will inevitably demand payment of someone or something (again, I'm not ready to give up or in any way minimize or diminish the Sacrifice that Jesus made!). See, here is where I start to have problems with the Course, because this sort of thinking is about to set us up to think that The Ultimate Sacrifice was not necessary. I don't believe that, and I don't believe that I, as a perceiver, will lose because of His Sacrifice. The course says I will and that I will not have any idea why I am losing. But it says that my (and the world's) wholeness is restored to our awareness through my vision. My holiness blesses people by asking nothing of them. Those who see themselves as whole make no demands.
The course says my holiness is the salvation of the world. If I see a holy world, then I create a holy world, and that holiness is the salvation. It lets me teach the world that it is one with me, not by preaching to it, not by telling it anything, but merely by my quiet recognition that in my holiness are all things blessed, along with me.
Yeah, I'm not really with this idea yet. Maybe later.
On another note,
This is a video from Ellen DeGeneris. I'm posting it because recently someone on FB asked for prayer for this kid's family. What resulted was a diatribe on the evils of homosexuality.
It kills me how we Christians talk about Jesus who looked beyond our faults and saw our needs, and who casts our sins into the Sea of Forgetfulness. We want to be like Jesus, but when we see someone we believe has sinned, we can't even express compassion for them without highlighting what we think is their sins (which is, of course, appropriate if you're the self-appointed moral police of the universe). While I say "it kills me" as a figure of speech, this kind of intolerance and hypocrisy is literally killing our children.
In the Bible I read, the only time Jesus got mad was at the folks at the door of the church, forcing people to effectively equate money with holiness. I see a lot of passages where He talks about not accumulating wealth, but sharing it with those who don't have it. And, of course, I see His frustration with those whose hearts would follow Him but who don't seem to "get" it. Today we have some folk who take vows of poverty to serve the Lord, and some who drive around in Bentleys and fly private jets to serve the Lord. Those two lifestyles are diametrically opposed, but I've never seen anyone express the virulent opposition to either of them, or denounce either of them as sinful the way homosexuality gets denounced. Yet Jesus said in His Word that it is harder for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven... I don't see anyone having marches denouncing rich people, or accusing them of distorting God's word.
In Matthew 19:21, Mark 10:21, and Luke 12:33, Jesus tells a rich young man that he should sell all his possessions and give them to the poor and THEN come follow Jesus if he wants to have eternal life. That's the Word of God. So how then, in contrast to Jesus' words, do you justify the "prosperity gospel" that's so popular, often among the same people who are rabidly homophobic because of the rigidity in their reading of what they believe to be Scripture? I don't get it. It's ok to distort the Word when it says what you want it to say, but if someone else points out something you don't like, they're a heretic or unholy?
OK, I'm ranting now. But it bothers me. The ignorance and intolerance we exhibit as Christians really bothers me. If we clung to our ideas of holiness, and they were powerful, wouldn't our being holy be enough to bless the world? And I can't help but think that, if we are truly being holy, that our actions are then not going to be hateful. When we have this judgemental attitude that makes other folk less-than, then we create an atmosphere in which it's ok for our kids to taunt them and mistreat them -- in the whole diatribe that set me off, this woman talked about the sin of homosexuality and how it was the kid's fault for being gay and the parents' fault for raising him in a gay environment (or something bizarrely stupid like that) -- never once in the discussion was it mentioned that the kids who violated this child's privacy and live-streamed his sex acts on the internet -- never once was it mentioned that THEY had any culpability. When I suggested they did, the conversation shifted to no one being culprits, but everyone being victims.
Please. Let me go back to Wesley's three simple rules: Do no harm. Do good. Stay in love with God. Let me add to that the Course teaching for today: My holiness blesses the World. Are your thoughts, words, and deeds a blessing to all the world today?