I stayed in bed a bit longer than I should have. While I pray upon first waking, I didn’t do my morning devotions when I got up. Instead, I went to the dark place, the place where I can’t think or speak about some people without wanting to use the word “stupid,” or “deceitful,” the place where I entertain revengeful behaviors, and the place where I know I’m not supposed to be because it’s so toxic.
But I was there, and I lingered there longer than I should have. When you’re in your head and when you’re in the dark place, the toxicity builds exponentially, so that by the time I saw the guy whose car had disappeared, I decided he’d been parked there too long and it had been towed. (I have no idea what happened; I’m simply commenting on my lack of compassion).
I remember a conversation that went something like this: “God, I’m not doing this because I love Your people. I’m doing this because You called me. When you first called me, I invoked the whole free will thing and chose not to be responsive. After you let me go my own way and allowed that way to beat me into submission, I finally decided to try obedience to You. It’s not cause I love the people. So I’m at that point where I’ve given all I have to give, and I’m still hurt and wounded. I don’t have any great love or compassion to fall back on God, it’s just obedience to You. God, You know me. I need some help here, please? I don’t know how I can keep doing this.”
So that’s where I was. All in my head, angry, and on the dark side.
And then, my jam played. It’s “What’s Coming is Better," by Deon Kipping. The words are:
I see you cryin,
And you’re about to lose control
But you can’t give up
Just because your future’s not worth letting go.
Let go Frustration,
Soon it will all come to an end.
Just endure what you’re going through –
What’s coming is much better than what’s been!
(repeat)
There has been pain
And you can’t describe
Something inside speaks to your life
And it’s saying
What’s coming is better, What’s coming is better,
What’s coming is better than what’s been
(repeat)
What’s coming is better, What’s coming is better,
What’s coming is better than what’s been
(repeat 4 x)
So I’ll endure
I know what’s coming
I won’t move
I know what’s coming
I’ll believe
I know what’s coming --
What’s coming is better than what’s been
(repeat 3X)
What’s coming is better, What’s coming is better,
What’s coming is better than what’s been
(repeat 4X)
Here’s the video. It’s a great song.
By now I’m feeling like I got a Word from the Lord. The song ministered to my spirit, you know how when something hits you way down in your belly, sends tingles all through your body, and floods your eyes with tears? It was one of those times. So I drove around with it for a while, did my car happy-dance, and thanked God.
That would have been enough, but remember I didn’t do my morning devotion. So I come into the office and while the computer is turning on, I turn to today’s Bible reading. I note that the title is “Making Known the Wisdom of God,” so I’m like, OK, God. I’m listening and I’m hearing you. The passage is Ephesians 3:7-13. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but that wasn’t what I read. For some reason, I read Ephesians 3:14-21 (which is actually tomorrow’s reading, about Spiritual Power). But it was incredibly appropriate for today, and certainly DEMONSTRATES both the Power and Wisdom of God. I’m pasting it in here:
A Prayer for the Ephesians
"14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
(this is from the New International Version, copied in from BibleGateway)
At that point, I decided just to post this. There’s nothing more to say – in my spirit, I was down for the count. Christ came and met me right where I was, and strengthened me in my inner being.
No words, really; just Another WOW moment….
1 comment:
Wow right back!
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