Again, I have issues with this. I don't feel particularly holy, especially because I tend to associate the self-descriptor of holiness with self-righteousness. But the work for today extends yesterday's idea from the perceiver to that which is perceived.
I am holy because my mind is part of God’s mind. And because I am holy, my sight must be holy as well. “Sinless” means without sin. I cannot be without sin a little. Either I am sinless or not. If my mind is part of God’s I must be sinless, or a part of God's Mind would be sinful. My sight is related to God's holiness, not to my ego and therefore not to my body.
I love the way this course works. I've been struggling for a long time with the homosexual hate-mongers. First of all, I don't understand the Christian preoccupation with who and how people diddle one another. (I probably shouldn't admit this on the internet, but maybe I'm just so far off the grid sexually that not only do I not care, but I now fail to see why others care so much.) I've watched as our church falls into confusion over a gay bishop, then I've watched the media frenzy around Eddie Long (although in both cases, the alleged predatory acts upon subordinates are really the root issue, IMHO).
But I nearly cried today when someone posted a request for prayer for the family of a young man who committed suicide after his roommate allegedly live-streamed a video of him in a sex act with a guy. One of the responses to the prayer request was another self-righteous diatribe against homosexuality. It seemed the writer was blaming a teenager for being gay and being embarrassed that his sexuality was put out over the internet. I go back to Wesley's three simple rules, to "Do No Harm, Do Good, and Stay in Love with God." While I'm sure the person who did the writing was sincere and meant well, I failed to see how lambasting a troubled teen could fall into any of the above categories. I don't often post in opposition to people I don't know, but what I read just broke my heart -- not only for the kid and his family, but because of the harm that occurs when we Christians approach issues with a smug self-assuredness, leaving no room for God to enter in with a fresh Word that we perhaps had not considered.
What bothers me so much in the "Christian" discussions on homosexuality is the focus on the sin of homosexuality. I always infer from these conversations that the interlocutors are implying that all humans are not sinful, or that there's some sort of ranking system for sin and homosexuality is somehow worse than, say, eating pork or any of the other Levitical prohibitions. It seems like we want to play "single out the gays." It's always bothered me and struck me as unfair. Now I think I understand why, and it's not just that people proof-text Scripture without an adequate understanding of it (I'm ever grateful to be a church historian and to realize our faith has always been preached in translation, which implies interpretation. And thanks, Origen, for your realization nearly two millenia ago that when we simply quote Scripture, without allowing for contextualization of The Word, we run the risk of distorting the original intent and doing more harm than good. If we can't read our Holy Words in their original languages, then we at least ought to realize that what we are reading is the result of centuries of mis-and re- translation, political jockeying and social and political quests for position, power and control. Those facts alone should afford us a teensy weensy bit of room for compassion when expounding the Scriptures). Evangelicals would declare that aside anathema, but I'm reminded that it was fervent, tunnel-visioned fundamentalists who burned Origen's books. And let's not forget that the same people who shouted "Hosanna" on Sunday were shouting "Crucify Him" by Friday. When we are presented with a truth that differs from our accepted view of reality, it's rarely popular.
But if I am to be holy, my sight must be holy as well. Maybe my sight needs to focus on the redeeming love of Jesus and not the nature of humans. “Sinless” means without sin. I cannot be "a little bit" without sin. Either I am sinless or not. Clearly, in this body I am not sinless, but if my mind is part of God’s then it must be sinless, or a part of God's Mind would be sinful. Therefore, in my mind, I need to take the focus OFF sinful things, and put it ON the redemptive things. My sight, my ability to see, is related to God's holiness, not to my ego and therefore not to my body. It's a blessing to be able to see. It's a blessing to be able to see with the Holiness of God and not with the tunnel vision of humans. He that is in me is Greater than he that is in the world, so the Divine and Holy in me must be the overwhelming, overriding force, and must always trump that of the world.
This is not to say that sin does not exist, simply that my focus is not on (and my vision is not through) the sin of the World, but on (and through) the Holiness of God. That's how my holiness envelopes everything I see. It trumps the sin that is out there in the world; that sin is not my concern, not my reality, and does not impact my vision. I live in the holiness of God. My holiness envelopes everything I see.
That's an awesome, radical concept. My holiness envelopes everything I see. When I started this post, I wasn't sure about it, but I'm loving it now. My holiness envelopes everything I see!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
My mind is part of God's. I am very holy....
OK, right off the bat I have issues with this topic. While I can get with my mind being one with The Divine, I think that no humans are holy. The coursework says that today's idea does not describe the way I see myself now, but it describes what True Vision will show me. I agree with the course assessment that "It is difficult for anyone who thinks he is in this world to believe this of himself." Then it goes on to state that the reason I think I am in this world is because I don't believe that my mind is part of God's.
It tells me that I will believe I am part of where I think I am. That is because I surround myself with the environment I want, and I it to protect the image of myself that I have made. The image is part of it. What I see while I believe I am in it is seen through the eyes of the image. It is not vision. Images cannot see.
So the idea for today allows me to see differently. It allows me to establish my Source and thereby establish my Identity, and it describes me as I must really be in truth. The emphasis is on me as perceiver, rather than on what I perceive....
For instance, I may see myself as some of the attributes below:
“I see myself as imposed on.”
“I see myself as depressed.”
“I see myself as failing.”
“I see myself as endangered.”
“I see myself as helpless.”
“I see myself as victorious.”
“I see myself as losing out.”
“I see myself as charitable.”
“I see myself as virtuous.”
But when I think of myself in any of those ways, I need to correct my thinking and add: “But my mind is part of God’s. I am very holy.”
I'm not sure about this one. But my mind is part of God's. I am very holy.
This is going to require a lot of application for proper understanding, but my mind is part of Gods. I am very holy.
The "very holy" part is something I struggle with. But my mind is part of God's. I am very holy.
No matter how flawed I may perceive myself, no matter how annoyed I get during the day, no matter how frustrated or inadequate I may feel, I need to remember that My mind is part of Gods. I am very holy.
It tells me that I will believe I am part of where I think I am. That is because I surround myself with the environment I want, and I it to protect the image of myself that I have made. The image is part of it. What I see while I believe I am in it is seen through the eyes of the image. It is not vision. Images cannot see.
So the idea for today allows me to see differently. It allows me to establish my Source and thereby establish my Identity, and it describes me as I must really be in truth. The emphasis is on me as perceiver, rather than on what I perceive....
For instance, I may see myself as some of the attributes below:
“I see myself as imposed on.”
“I see myself as depressed.”
“I see myself as failing.”
“I see myself as endangered.”
“I see myself as helpless.”
“I see myself as victorious.”
“I see myself as losing out.”
“I see myself as charitable.”
“I see myself as virtuous.”
But when I think of myself in any of those ways, I need to correct my thinking and add: “But my mind is part of God’s. I am very holy.”
I'm not sure about this one. But my mind is part of God's. I am very holy.
This is going to require a lot of application for proper understanding, but my mind is part of Gods. I am very holy.
The "very holy" part is something I struggle with. But my mind is part of God's. I am very holy.
No matter how flawed I may perceive myself, no matter how annoyed I get during the day, no matter how frustrated or inadequate I may feel, I need to remember that My mind is part of Gods. I am very holy.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
I could see peace instead of this
WHAT an appropriate thought for today!!! I've already expressed my reservations about The Course, but have learned to eat the fish and throw away the bones. And the meat I have for today is that I really needed to see this message again. I'm annoyed by a number of things, not the least of which is a woman who insists upon attempting to hold business meetings after church, creating confusion while Bible Study is going on. It bothers me.
But it doesn't have to. Yes, she's reneged on her word, and yes, she gives the impression that it's all about her, and yes, I'm annoyed that she waltzes in, holds a meeting during Bible study and then waltzes out without attending Bible study. But you know what, maybe that's a sign that she needs to be taught.
So anyway, today's idea "begins to describe the conditions that prevail in the other way of seeing. Peace of mind is clearly an internal matter. It must begin with your own thoughts, and then extend outward. It is from your peace of mind that a peaceful perception of the world arises." That's what the Course says. I get to choose peace or not. The instructions say that "It is your inner world to which the applications of today’s idea should be made." The peace has to be an inner peace; it has to come from deep inside me.
So in a practical sense (because that's how we grow), I need to make a bunch of shorter applications of this principle. and I need to make them "whenever I feel my peace of mind is threatened in any way. The purpose is to protect myself from temptation throughout the day." What I need to do is remind myself that “I could see peace in this situation instead of what I now see in it.”"
OK, that's where I am today. I needed this. Law and Order SVU is on. It's the episode that was the take on the Ted Haggard story -- yet another story about a gay cleric. I could see peace instead of this. Tried to have a conversation with the woman in the coffee shop. Before I could even get started, she put up the defense with "I don't do religion because I'm too much of a thinking person." I felt sad for her, but didn't have the energy or inclination to argue the point -- some of the brightest and sharpest minds I've known have grappled with questions of theology and religion. The fact that she continued on, unprompted, to justify her lack of belief "I'm a good person, I can read the Bible," etc, spoke, in my mind, to the need for a surgically precise way to get to these sorts of arguments. I know I can, and I know I can be really effective at it. Perhaps it's not my time yet, but I'll get there. I'm not talking about the kind of smug, bibliocentric bullying that coerces people, I'm talking about the ability to meet people in the midst of their objections, listen to those objections, and show them a more excellent way. Without relying on a book they don't believe in.
I could see peace instead of this.
But it doesn't have to. Yes, she's reneged on her word, and yes, she gives the impression that it's all about her, and yes, I'm annoyed that she waltzes in, holds a meeting during Bible study and then waltzes out without attending Bible study. But you know what, maybe that's a sign that she needs to be taught.
So anyway, today's idea "begins to describe the conditions that prevail in the other way of seeing. Peace of mind is clearly an internal matter. It must begin with your own thoughts, and then extend outward. It is from your peace of mind that a peaceful perception of the world arises." That's what the Course says. I get to choose peace or not. The instructions say that "It is your inner world to which the applications of today’s idea should be made." The peace has to be an inner peace; it has to come from deep inside me.
So in a practical sense (because that's how we grow), I need to make a bunch of shorter applications of this principle. and I need to make them "whenever I feel my peace of mind is threatened in any way. The purpose is to protect myself from temptation throughout the day." What I need to do is remind myself that “I could see peace in this situation instead of what I now see in it.”"
OK, that's where I am today. I needed this. Law and Order SVU is on. It's the episode that was the take on the Ted Haggard story -- yet another story about a gay cleric. I could see peace instead of this. Tried to have a conversation with the woman in the coffee shop. Before I could even get started, she put up the defense with "I don't do religion because I'm too much of a thinking person." I felt sad for her, but didn't have the energy or inclination to argue the point -- some of the brightest and sharpest minds I've known have grappled with questions of theology and religion. The fact that she continued on, unprompted, to justify her lack of belief "I'm a good person, I can read the Bible," etc, spoke, in my mind, to the need for a surgically precise way to get to these sorts of arguments. I know I can, and I know I can be really effective at it. Perhaps it's not my time yet, but I'll get there. I'm not talking about the kind of smug, bibliocentric bullying that coerces people, I'm talking about the ability to meet people in the midst of their objections, listen to those objections, and show them a more excellent way. Without relying on a book they don't believe in.
I could see peace instead of this.
Friday, September 24, 2010
There is Another Way of Looking at the World.
I'm just sick of all this mess. I'm sick of our preoccupation with how somebody chooses to diddle somebody else. I'm sick of an apparent or perceived lack of integrity among those we lift up as our spiritual leaders. I'm sick that people are making accusations about people of the cloth and there's nothing -- nothing about the way they live their lives, nothing about their ministries -- nothing about them that give me information on how to even have an opinion on the matter.
But the Course for today says that I need to begin to recognize that I can shift my perception of the world in both its outer and inner aspects. Any time something threatens to disturb me, I simply need to remember that “There is another way of looking at this.”
I don't know about the guilt or innocence of anyone, and as I said before, Jesus saw the best in me when everyone around me could only see the worst in me. Let's say for a moment that these men of the cloth are guilty as accused. My immediate response is one of revulsion, but I need to shift it to one of compassion. I need to remember that they are just Another Soldier Down. Let me make a vow not to let Another Soldier Down. So here's the video(and no, that is not me in the reflection or singing. Someone I don't know posted this YouTube video. I just love the song.) The lyrics are below the video:
Here are the lyrics:
It was really good to see you on the redeye last night
I didn't want to bother you, so I waited til the time was right
Blew you a kiss hello and mouthed the words "I love you,"
But when you acted like you didn't know me, I thought my heart would break in two.
You were such a warrior as we fought side by side
Steady moving up the ranks, I bragged about you all the time.
Everybody's hero, but you gave up the fight.
Now what I see is Another Soldier Down.
Another soldier down needing us to pray,
Instead of talking up the situation and looking the other way,
Another soldier down, someone we can't afford to lose,
Let's take a vow not to let another soldier down.
I think about you every now and then
Then I take a little time to pray, I have faith you're going to win
Somebody prayed for me in my darkest hour.
I used to be ANOTHER SOLDIER DOWN.
Another soldier down needing us to pray,
Instead of talking up the situation and looking the other way,
Another soldier down, someone we can't afford to lose,
Let's take a vow not to let another soldier down.
When the journey is hard, its so easy to stray,
Cause the pull of the world can draw us -- we just gotta to pray,
But then if you fall, a good soldier gets up again,
And I'll be here for you, my brother, my friends.
Another soldier down needing us to pray,
Instead of talking up the situation and looking the other way,
Another soldier down, someone we can't afford to lose,
Let's take a vow not to let another soldier down.
Another soldier down needing us to pray,
Instead of talking up the situation and looking the other way,
Another soldier down, someone we can't afford to lose,
Let's take a vow not to let another soldier down.
Another soldier down needing us to pray,
Instead of talking up the situation and looking the other way,
Another soldier down, someone we can't afford to lose,
Let's take a vow not to let another soldier down.
There is another way of looking at the world. I walked into my current job and it was a mess. We needed a culture change. We're in the midst of a culture shift. I took my senior staff on a one-day retreat last weekend, and here are some pics from us "shifting."
There really IS another way of looking at the world...
Towards that end, here is a link to an article written by my friend Anthea Butler. Anthea was introduced to me by someone who thought she'd be a good role model. She helped me to see that, at the end of the day, I'm not interested in working full-time and attempting to do full-time coursework, and I'm not (yet) interested in entering into academia full-time. Anthea is a brilliant woman with a passion for the church, its history, its theology, and how we people of color live our lives and "do" church. I thought her article was interesting and worth a read. Please check it out!
Again, some of my more conservative brothers and sisters will not agree with her, but There REALLY IS another way of looking at the world. It's clear to me that we need to begin discussing these issues of sex and sexuality in the Black Church. Kudos to Anthea, to Kelly Douglas, and to the brother at General Theological Seminary (Horace L. Griffin) for starting the dialogue.
What opens up for me (and I apologize if Anthea said this; I don't mean to plagiarize her thoughts) what opens up for me is the way we in the black church (not all of us, but many of us) long for a relationship with God. We long for respectability and social acceptability. So it's like we pursue those things from the outside in, rather than from the inside out. And we put constraints on things that SEEM unholy, rather than striving for holiness from within. People of African descent in the US have always been seen as sexual objects, and I think that's why sex and sexuality are such hot topics for us -- we desperately want to NOT seem like Mandinka men and whorish women. We want to dispel all notions of sexuality, but ESPECIALLY aberrant sexuality. I could go on, but it's been a long day....
There really IS Another Way of Looking At the World....
But the Course for today says that I need to begin to recognize that I can shift my perception of the world in both its outer and inner aspects. Any time something threatens to disturb me, I simply need to remember that “There is another way of looking at this.”
I don't know about the guilt or innocence of anyone, and as I said before, Jesus saw the best in me when everyone around me could only see the worst in me. Let's say for a moment that these men of the cloth are guilty as accused. My immediate response is one of revulsion, but I need to shift it to one of compassion. I need to remember that they are just Another Soldier Down. Let me make a vow not to let Another Soldier Down. So here's the video(and no, that is not me in the reflection or singing. Someone I don't know posted this YouTube video. I just love the song.) The lyrics are below the video:
Here are the lyrics:
It was really good to see you on the redeye last night
I didn't want to bother you, so I waited til the time was right
Blew you a kiss hello and mouthed the words "I love you,"
But when you acted like you didn't know me, I thought my heart would break in two.
You were such a warrior as we fought side by side
Steady moving up the ranks, I bragged about you all the time.
Everybody's hero, but you gave up the fight.
Now what I see is Another Soldier Down.
Another soldier down needing us to pray,
Instead of talking up the situation and looking the other way,
Another soldier down, someone we can't afford to lose,
Let's take a vow not to let another soldier down.
I think about you every now and then
Then I take a little time to pray, I have faith you're going to win
Somebody prayed for me in my darkest hour.
I used to be ANOTHER SOLDIER DOWN.
Another soldier down needing us to pray,
Instead of talking up the situation and looking the other way,
Another soldier down, someone we can't afford to lose,
Let's take a vow not to let another soldier down.
When the journey is hard, its so easy to stray,
Cause the pull of the world can draw us -- we just gotta to pray,
But then if you fall, a good soldier gets up again,
And I'll be here for you, my brother, my friends.
Another soldier down needing us to pray,
Instead of talking up the situation and looking the other way,
Another soldier down, someone we can't afford to lose,
Let's take a vow not to let another soldier down.
Another soldier down needing us to pray,
Instead of talking up the situation and looking the other way,
Another soldier down, someone we can't afford to lose,
Let's take a vow not to let another soldier down.
Another soldier down needing us to pray,
Instead of talking up the situation and looking the other way,
Another soldier down, someone we can't afford to lose,
Let's take a vow not to let another soldier down.
There is another way of looking at the world. I walked into my current job and it was a mess. We needed a culture change. We're in the midst of a culture shift. I took my senior staff on a one-day retreat last weekend, and here are some pics from us "shifting."
There really IS another way of looking at the world...
Towards that end, here is a link to an article written by my friend Anthea Butler. Anthea was introduced to me by someone who thought she'd be a good role model. She helped me to see that, at the end of the day, I'm not interested in working full-time and attempting to do full-time coursework, and I'm not (yet) interested in entering into academia full-time. Anthea is a brilliant woman with a passion for the church, its history, its theology, and how we people of color live our lives and "do" church. I thought her article was interesting and worth a read. Please check it out!
Again, some of my more conservative brothers and sisters will not agree with her, but There REALLY IS another way of looking at the world. It's clear to me that we need to begin discussing these issues of sex and sexuality in the Black Church. Kudos to Anthea, to Kelly Douglas, and to the brother at General Theological Seminary (Horace L. Griffin) for starting the dialogue.
What opens up for me (and I apologize if Anthea said this; I don't mean to plagiarize her thoughts) what opens up for me is the way we in the black church (not all of us, but many of us) long for a relationship with God. We long for respectability and social acceptability. So it's like we pursue those things from the outside in, rather than from the inside out. And we put constraints on things that SEEM unholy, rather than striving for holiness from within. People of African descent in the US have always been seen as sexual objects, and I think that's why sex and sexuality are such hot topics for us -- we desperately want to NOT seem like Mandinka men and whorish women. We want to dispel all notions of sexuality, but ESPECIALLY aberrant sexuality. I could go on, but it's been a long day....
There really IS Another Way of Looking At the World....
Thursday, September 23, 2010
I have invented the world I see.
This is more on the theme of cause and effect. According to the Course, I am not the victim of the world I see because I invented it. (In other words, the power of life and death lies in the tounge, and the tongue simply gives utterance to what is in our hearts. So if we purify our hearts, if we allow God to come in and Create Clean Hearts and Renew Right Spirits within us, then the Power of God within us will create a new world -- we can literally transform the world by renewing our minds. At least, that's my spin on all this.) Yesterday I saw a lot of garbage, and it distrubed and discouraged me. The course says I can give it up as easily as I made it up, and that I will see it or not see it, as I wish. While I want it I will see it; when I no longer want it, it will not be there for me to see.
Here's what I know. I know I had a brief conversation with my Bishop last night before he went to Communion. We didn't have time to chat, but mentioned that letter from the COB. I told him I felt that the COB had not been supportive of him, and then I heard myself saying "Ten of y'all and no one could find any charges?" We ended up just pleading the Blood over the situation and over the fact that he was due to introduce the Communion preacher.
So I go to the Verizon How Sweet the Sound concert (it was at the Prudential Center in Newark, and I was doing a test run to see how the commute will be when they move the Liberty there next year. It's gonna be ok, I think). The choirs were off the chain; they kept getting better and better. Donald Lawrence and Kurt Carr both had me wondering about the connection between men of the cloth and sexuality, but there's nothing new there. I did notice that the small choir that won, Vy Higgensen's choir for teens, seemed to be more about performance than worship. For that reason, I didn't vote for them. But they won, anyway. And Marble Collegiate's Choir, where two people of CME descent sing, won the competition!!!!
But what took my heart was Marvin Sapp. First of all, that he would even be there to, given his wife's recent death from cancer. But when he sang "The best in me," I got convicted. No, I'm not trying to justify, rationalize or minimize anything that CME bishop (or anyone else who's committed improprieties) did. I'm saying this song reminded me of God's great mercy. I'm going to see if I can get the YouTube link here:
So I started feeling that, and thinking maybe that was the COB's rationale for not bringing charges or for dragging their feet or whatever. I don't know. It's sort of like today's principle was making itself plain to me. I realized that my indignation was just that -- MY indignation. I owned it, and I could lift it up, or I could chooose to lift up God's great mercy in my own life. I don't want to be like the person who posted a list of their transgressions against the discipline; IMHO, that was just silly. I know my sins are great (though I hope that today they are not as great as they were yesterday). Still, they are perhaps exceeded in greatness only by God's mercy towards me. And when I started focusing on God's great mercy towards me, the magnitude of this guy's transgressions started to lessen. That's not the right word -- they didn't lessen, but I began to realize that God's Grace is available to him just like it is to me. And as horrible as I may think he is, so are my sins when Jesus looks at them.
And then I checked in and heard that the guy wasn't preaching the Communion service, which reminded me that maybe I should Let Go and Let God handle things. Of course, I believe that our College of Bishops has some temporal authority and responsibility in this issue. See, if you're going to let go and let God and not get involved in things, then you have to make that extend to your finances as well. Instead of getting up and asking me for money several times a day, the COB should ask us to pray for God's wealth or something. If, on the other hand, they make a decision that human intervention is necessary to operate the temporal side of the church, then my expectation is that they, as chief overseers of this church, will exercise some human intervention. Not because what this guy has done is so wrong, but because this guy's behaviors have raised some issues that need to be addressed.
But since I have invented the world I see, I am inventing a world in which Godly people are governed by Godly principles. Yes, the church must be in the world and must bear the stains of the world, but the Church should be a standard-bearer. Our actions and behaviors should reflect the Christ within, and when we are out of line with those actions and behaviors, we should be able to call one another back in line. That's the kind of world I'm inventing. I have invented the world I see.
But the deal is this. As a Christian, I have a responsibility. As a Christian, or maybe just as a human, I get to say: You can't lead me. You're going the wrong way." but if I'm not the leader, what expectation could I have of knowing the way? In this Christian journey, Jesus leads each and every one of us. That's one of those questions of theology and doctrine that need to be addressed. Yes, there is a chain of command and a pecking order and all that, but at the end of the day, JESUS has to live and move within each of us. How can I know whether or not Jesus lives and moves in the heart of another? Didn't Jesus hang out with those who were sexually immoral? Of course He did, but He always told them to Go and Sin No More. I have invented the world I see. It's kinda wack, but I'm working on inventing a better world.
Here's what I know. I know I had a brief conversation with my Bishop last night before he went to Communion. We didn't have time to chat, but mentioned that letter from the COB. I told him I felt that the COB had not been supportive of him, and then I heard myself saying "Ten of y'all and no one could find any charges?" We ended up just pleading the Blood over the situation and over the fact that he was due to introduce the Communion preacher.
So I go to the Verizon How Sweet the Sound concert (it was at the Prudential Center in Newark, and I was doing a test run to see how the commute will be when they move the Liberty there next year. It's gonna be ok, I think). The choirs were off the chain; they kept getting better and better. Donald Lawrence and Kurt Carr both had me wondering about the connection between men of the cloth and sexuality, but there's nothing new there. I did notice that the small choir that won, Vy Higgensen's choir for teens, seemed to be more about performance than worship. For that reason, I didn't vote for them. But they won, anyway. And Marble Collegiate's Choir, where two people of CME descent sing, won the competition!!!!
But what took my heart was Marvin Sapp. First of all, that he would even be there to, given his wife's recent death from cancer. But when he sang "The best in me," I got convicted. No, I'm not trying to justify, rationalize or minimize anything that CME bishop (or anyone else who's committed improprieties) did. I'm saying this song reminded me of God's great mercy. I'm going to see if I can get the YouTube link here:
So I started feeling that, and thinking maybe that was the COB's rationale for not bringing charges or for dragging their feet or whatever. I don't know. It's sort of like today's principle was making itself plain to me. I realized that my indignation was just that -- MY indignation. I owned it, and I could lift it up, or I could chooose to lift up God's great mercy in my own life. I don't want to be like the person who posted a list of their transgressions against the discipline; IMHO, that was just silly. I know my sins are great (though I hope that today they are not as great as they were yesterday). Still, they are perhaps exceeded in greatness only by God's mercy towards me. And when I started focusing on God's great mercy towards me, the magnitude of this guy's transgressions started to lessen. That's not the right word -- they didn't lessen, but I began to realize that God's Grace is available to him just like it is to me. And as horrible as I may think he is, so are my sins when Jesus looks at them.
And then I checked in and heard that the guy wasn't preaching the Communion service, which reminded me that maybe I should Let Go and Let God handle things. Of course, I believe that our College of Bishops has some temporal authority and responsibility in this issue. See, if you're going to let go and let God and not get involved in things, then you have to make that extend to your finances as well. Instead of getting up and asking me for money several times a day, the COB should ask us to pray for God's wealth or something. If, on the other hand, they make a decision that human intervention is necessary to operate the temporal side of the church, then my expectation is that they, as chief overseers of this church, will exercise some human intervention. Not because what this guy has done is so wrong, but because this guy's behaviors have raised some issues that need to be addressed.
But since I have invented the world I see, I am inventing a world in which Godly people are governed by Godly principles. Yes, the church must be in the world and must bear the stains of the world, but the Church should be a standard-bearer. Our actions and behaviors should reflect the Christ within, and when we are out of line with those actions and behaviors, we should be able to call one another back in line. That's the kind of world I'm inventing. I have invented the world I see.
But the deal is this. As a Christian, I have a responsibility. As a Christian, or maybe just as a human, I get to say: You can't lead me. You're going the wrong way." but if I'm not the leader, what expectation could I have of knowing the way? In this Christian journey, Jesus leads each and every one of us. That's one of those questions of theology and doctrine that need to be addressed. Yes, there is a chain of command and a pecking order and all that, but at the end of the day, JESUS has to live and move within each of us. How can I know whether or not Jesus lives and moves in the heart of another? Didn't Jesus hang out with those who were sexually immoral? Of course He did, but He always told them to Go and Sin No More. I have invented the world I see. It's kinda wack, but I'm working on inventing a better world.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
I am not the victim of the world I see
So today is all about a declaration of release. This is about the world outside myself and the world I see inside myself. I have to continue to apply this idea. I have to look around at the things outside me and realize I am not a victim of the world I see, then I have to look inside to realize I am not a victim of the world I see. Since the inner reality is the cause of the outer reality, when I get in touch with What is Inside, I will cease to be a victim of the world I see.
As I go inside, all thoughts are valid. There will be no hierarchy of thoughts, no passion in their coming and going, no dwelling on any one in particular. Instead I am to let them move on evenly and calmly, without any investment from me, repeating that I am not a victim of the world I see, with no sense of hurry.
I need to continually remind myself that I am making a declaration of independence in the name of my own freedom, and that in my freedom lies the freedom of the world.
This idea is also, the Course says, a particularly useful one to use as a response to any form of temptation. It is a declaration that I will not yield to it and put myself in bondage.
That's the exercise. Now for the rant: My church has been in my life since before my birth (my home church is listed in my baby book as giving me gifts). But it seems we have a college of Bishops whose inertia prevents them fro censuring people whose behaviors are antithetical to what we say we believe. OK. But then I get emails from people who say that I should be careful as I petition the College for accountability. I am not the victim of the world I see. Of what should I be careful? Of the wrath of the hypocrites? Sorry. My ego and anger are also not the victim and not the effect of the world I see, so they should not be engaged now. I realize my ego is responding, and I didn't want to stuff my feelings. I simply need to acknowledge that I am not the victim of the world I see. On a practical level, what is the worst that could happen? They could defrock or excommunicate me, I suppose. I am not the victim of the world I see. How would my life be negatively impacted by being defrocked or excommunicated? Since I am not the victim of the world I see, those affiliations have no meaning for me.
I've posted and ranted before about our College of Bishops and our gay Bishop. Unlike many of my church brethren, I wouldn't mind having a gay bishop -- IF we were a church that had decided we embrace homosexuality. That is not the case. Given that we state that homosexuality is contrary to Godly sexual relations, I do mind having a Bishop who states he's been involved in sexual encounters with subordinates of the same sex while being married to a female. It's not the same-sex encounters that bother me. Yes, sin is sin, but Christians all the time make arbitrary decisions about what they are going to call sin and what they're not going to call sin. I'm not going to argue that point here. I'm going to say that we are in a church that calls homosexuality a sin. Because of that, we shouldn't have leaders engaging in homosexual behavior without their being accountable for it. But wait: By definition, his engaging in homosexuality was also committing adultery. My take on homosexuality is like Jesse Jackson: "it didn't make the top ten." But adultery did.
So our College of Bishops comes out with this insane statement that talks of the fiduciary liability of the church. They talk about how the Church is of God and not of humans, but exists in a civil society and is subject to the laws of that society. It states that the laws of society are given due deference (although when states started legalizing gay marriage, the Church moved quickly to come out against that, so their point that the church defers to the laws of society is not a valid one.) Then they talk about how this is a civil matter and not a criminal one. Not sure why that's important. They say that no charges have been filed against the bishop. And here's my question: you've got a bishop who's walking contrary to both the laws of the society and the laws of the Church. He's admitted that he's consistently walking contrary to the Ten Commandments. And not one of the other ten people sitting on the Bishop's bench has seen fit to file charges?!?!? So that's OK? If I were a Bishop and stole money.... oh, wait. I know the answer to that one. If I were a Bishop and made something more important than God... no, I know the answer to that one. If I made an idol or failed to keep the Sabbath holy, or failed to honor my parents or committed adultery or stole or lied or coveted... OK. So it's clear one can be a Bishop and completely disregard the Ten Commandments. I guess in their minds, there's no reason for them to bring charges against anyone because of that.
But I'm not a victim of the world I see. I can't stay here and perpetuate a fraud. I can no longer pretend that this is ok. Everybody knows that I have a really liberal theology, am gay affirming and welcoming and all that. For me, this is not a theological issue and this is not an anti-gay stance. I know many of my CME brothers and sisters are anti-gay (and as a side note, I also believe this statement from the COB is a setup to discuss the theological implications of sex and sexuality in the black church. I think they'll ultimately come out saying gay is ok. That would be fine with me, but I don't think I'll be around to see it happen.) I'm not anti-gay at all, but for me to be in a church, there needs to be at least an ATTEMPT at spiritual integrity. I'm not seeing that. I'm seeing smoke and mirrors and coverups. I resent continually being asked for money. I resent preachers who preach Jesus with stereotypical hooping and hollering and who come out of the pulpit and can't even be civil to their congregants. I'm not the victim of the world I see. This church has been in my life all my life, but I'm the only member of my family who's still left in it. I am not the victim of the world I see, and I don't have to put up with people who poop in my face and tell me it's manna from heaven. I pray God's forgiveness if I'm wrong or if I'm being unduly judgemental, but this is how things appear to me. I am not the victim of the world I see, so it is possible that reality is different from what I see. Maybe, once the emotions subside, I can come back to this post and see things differently.
I am not the victim of the world I see. I have the power and the ability to create a better world.
As I go inside, all thoughts are valid. There will be no hierarchy of thoughts, no passion in their coming and going, no dwelling on any one in particular. Instead I am to let them move on evenly and calmly, without any investment from me, repeating that I am not a victim of the world I see, with no sense of hurry.
I need to continually remind myself that I am making a declaration of independence in the name of my own freedom, and that in my freedom lies the freedom of the world.
This idea is also, the Course says, a particularly useful one to use as a response to any form of temptation. It is a declaration that I will not yield to it and put myself in bondage.
That's the exercise. Now for the rant: My church has been in my life since before my birth (my home church is listed in my baby book as giving me gifts). But it seems we have a college of Bishops whose inertia prevents them fro censuring people whose behaviors are antithetical to what we say we believe. OK. But then I get emails from people who say that I should be careful as I petition the College for accountability. I am not the victim of the world I see. Of what should I be careful? Of the wrath of the hypocrites? Sorry. My ego and anger are also not the victim and not the effect of the world I see, so they should not be engaged now. I realize my ego is responding, and I didn't want to stuff my feelings. I simply need to acknowledge that I am not the victim of the world I see. On a practical level, what is the worst that could happen? They could defrock or excommunicate me, I suppose. I am not the victim of the world I see. How would my life be negatively impacted by being defrocked or excommunicated? Since I am not the victim of the world I see, those affiliations have no meaning for me.
I've posted and ranted before about our College of Bishops and our gay Bishop. Unlike many of my church brethren, I wouldn't mind having a gay bishop -- IF we were a church that had decided we embrace homosexuality. That is not the case. Given that we state that homosexuality is contrary to Godly sexual relations, I do mind having a Bishop who states he's been involved in sexual encounters with subordinates of the same sex while being married to a female. It's not the same-sex encounters that bother me. Yes, sin is sin, but Christians all the time make arbitrary decisions about what they are going to call sin and what they're not going to call sin. I'm not going to argue that point here. I'm going to say that we are in a church that calls homosexuality a sin. Because of that, we shouldn't have leaders engaging in homosexual behavior without their being accountable for it. But wait: By definition, his engaging in homosexuality was also committing adultery. My take on homosexuality is like Jesse Jackson: "it didn't make the top ten." But adultery did.
So our College of Bishops comes out with this insane statement that talks of the fiduciary liability of the church. They talk about how the Church is of God and not of humans, but exists in a civil society and is subject to the laws of that society. It states that the laws of society are given due deference (although when states started legalizing gay marriage, the Church moved quickly to come out against that, so their point that the church defers to the laws of society is not a valid one.) Then they talk about how this is a civil matter and not a criminal one. Not sure why that's important. They say that no charges have been filed against the bishop. And here's my question: you've got a bishop who's walking contrary to both the laws of the society and the laws of the Church. He's admitted that he's consistently walking contrary to the Ten Commandments. And not one of the other ten people sitting on the Bishop's bench has seen fit to file charges?!?!? So that's OK? If I were a Bishop and stole money.... oh, wait. I know the answer to that one. If I were a Bishop and made something more important than God... no, I know the answer to that one. If I made an idol or failed to keep the Sabbath holy, or failed to honor my parents or committed adultery or stole or lied or coveted... OK. So it's clear one can be a Bishop and completely disregard the Ten Commandments. I guess in their minds, there's no reason for them to bring charges against anyone because of that.
But I'm not a victim of the world I see. I can't stay here and perpetuate a fraud. I can no longer pretend that this is ok. Everybody knows that I have a really liberal theology, am gay affirming and welcoming and all that. For me, this is not a theological issue and this is not an anti-gay stance. I know many of my CME brothers and sisters are anti-gay (and as a side note, I also believe this statement from the COB is a setup to discuss the theological implications of sex and sexuality in the black church. I think they'll ultimately come out saying gay is ok. That would be fine with me, but I don't think I'll be around to see it happen.) I'm not anti-gay at all, but for me to be in a church, there needs to be at least an ATTEMPT at spiritual integrity. I'm not seeing that. I'm seeing smoke and mirrors and coverups. I resent continually being asked for money. I resent preachers who preach Jesus with stereotypical hooping and hollering and who come out of the pulpit and can't even be civil to their congregants. I'm not the victim of the world I see. This church has been in my life all my life, but I'm the only member of my family who's still left in it. I am not the victim of the world I see, and I don't have to put up with people who poop in my face and tell me it's manna from heaven. I pray God's forgiveness if I'm wrong or if I'm being unduly judgemental, but this is how things appear to me. I am not the victim of the world I see, so it is possible that reality is different from what I see. Maybe, once the emotions subside, I can come back to this post and see things differently.
I am not the victim of the world I see. I have the power and the ability to create a better world.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
God is in everything I see because God is in my mind
"From this idea will the world open up before you, and you will look upon it and see in it what you have never seen before. Nor will what you saw before be even faintly visible to you. ... We are not attempting to get rid of what we do not like by seeing it outside. Instead, we are trying to see in the world what is in our minds, and what we want to recognize is there. Thus we are trying to join with what we see, rather than keeping it apart from us. That is the fundamental difference between vision and the way you see. ... Real vision is not only unlimited by space and distance, but it does not depend on the body’s eyes at all. The mind is its only source."
That is the ACIM lesson for today. For me, it seems to be about having the Mind of Christ. That will require a lot of work for me; I've learned a lot of judgemental behaviors.
On Friday we had a Director's retreat up at Stony Point. It was nice, but I'm beginning to see the limitations of my directors. The opportunity exists to empower them, and I hope I'm up to it.
Saturday was in Hartford, CT at a District Planning Meeting. In addition to an afternoon workshop on evangelism, I facilitated the breakout session for the local preachers. They overwhelmingly expressed a need and desire for training. I see that as a good thing, and a perfect opportunity to move forward with the NYTS courses I'm developing for the CME Church. We gave them an opportunity to bring up any issues or concerns they had. No one mentioned "the mess." I don't know if this was from fear, disapproval, or apathy. A couple of preachers in full connection did come to spend time with me or to offer a non-specific word of encouragement, but there were others who stopped short of shunning me. Which is quite interesting. I'm perceiving that there's a lot of fear based on politics and concerns about one's future. I understand that; it's just that in my mind, the only thing I fear is how God will judge me if I don't speak and act according to what I know of God's word and how that word lives in my heart. For those who quote "touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm," or that one should never rise up against another preacher, I can't help but wonder if that extends to preachers who bring dishonor to the priesthood. How does that serve anyone? I don't get it, and maybe it's a sign that I don't need to be a preacher.
It just seems to me that our Church is more a political animal than a spiritual one. We make big shows of piety, religiosity and hooping and hollering on Sunday mornings, but I don't see a whole lot of spiritual backbone. I see an apparent perception of "God as Good-Luck Charm," some concept of God that is as transcendent, but not transcendent as in being beyond comprehension or transcendent as in outside the limits of human experience, but it sometimes seems that our definition of God includes a transcendence that has a foreign or other-ness quality to it. It seems that we regard God as something external or outside ourselves, which speaks to our separation from God. So while we may talk about our relationship with God, our actions often fail to show evidence of any relationship.
That's my take for today. I know that I certainly don't have God in my mind (yet) when I see everything. I want to. I want to get to that place and I know that it's by practice that I WILL get there. Interestingly, yesterday I came back into Port Authority after doing a workshop on evangelism. I thought about how I'd told people that evangelism was an everyday thing and that we always have opportunities to share Jesus and His love with people.
And then I looked around 42nd Street. It was 10 pm, and I understood why they have those tee shirts that say "Zoo York." I didn't think I could just start sharing the Gospel, so I endeavored to share a little love. I decided that I'd just make eye contact with everyone I saw and simply greet them with the love and joy that comes from my soul.
AWE-SOME!!! AWE-SOME!! It was a wonderful experience. 42nd Street was crammed full of every kind of people you'd ever want to see, and my only task was to reach out to them in love. What was amazing was that, overwhelmingly, that love is returned.
Then today we had the African American Day parade in Harlem. As I looked at all the people lining the streets, I couldn't help but wonder how we can get them that excited about Jesus. People clearly want something, and we who believe the Report of the Lord believe that there is something exciting in Jesus. We jsut have to either summon the authenticity to share it with the world in such a way that it becomes contagious, or -- we have to summon the authenticity to share it with the world in such a way that it becomes contagious.
God is in everything I see because God is in my mind.
That is the ACIM lesson for today. For me, it seems to be about having the Mind of Christ. That will require a lot of work for me; I've learned a lot of judgemental behaviors.
On Friday we had a Director's retreat up at Stony Point. It was nice, but I'm beginning to see the limitations of my directors. The opportunity exists to empower them, and I hope I'm up to it.
Saturday was in Hartford, CT at a District Planning Meeting. In addition to an afternoon workshop on evangelism, I facilitated the breakout session for the local preachers. They overwhelmingly expressed a need and desire for training. I see that as a good thing, and a perfect opportunity to move forward with the NYTS courses I'm developing for the CME Church. We gave them an opportunity to bring up any issues or concerns they had. No one mentioned "the mess." I don't know if this was from fear, disapproval, or apathy. A couple of preachers in full connection did come to spend time with me or to offer a non-specific word of encouragement, but there were others who stopped short of shunning me. Which is quite interesting. I'm perceiving that there's a lot of fear based on politics and concerns about one's future. I understand that; it's just that in my mind, the only thing I fear is how God will judge me if I don't speak and act according to what I know of God's word and how that word lives in my heart. For those who quote "touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm," or that one should never rise up against another preacher, I can't help but wonder if that extends to preachers who bring dishonor to the priesthood. How does that serve anyone? I don't get it, and maybe it's a sign that I don't need to be a preacher.
It just seems to me that our Church is more a political animal than a spiritual one. We make big shows of piety, religiosity and hooping and hollering on Sunday mornings, but I don't see a whole lot of spiritual backbone. I see an apparent perception of "God as Good-Luck Charm," some concept of God that is as transcendent, but not transcendent as in being beyond comprehension or transcendent as in outside the limits of human experience, but it sometimes seems that our definition of God includes a transcendence that has a foreign or other-ness quality to it. It seems that we regard God as something external or outside ourselves, which speaks to our separation from God. So while we may talk about our relationship with God, our actions often fail to show evidence of any relationship.
That's my take for today. I know that I certainly don't have God in my mind (yet) when I see everything. I want to. I want to get to that place and I know that it's by practice that I WILL get there. Interestingly, yesterday I came back into Port Authority after doing a workshop on evangelism. I thought about how I'd told people that evangelism was an everyday thing and that we always have opportunities to share Jesus and His love with people.
And then I looked around 42nd Street. It was 10 pm, and I understood why they have those tee shirts that say "Zoo York." I didn't think I could just start sharing the Gospel, so I endeavored to share a little love. I decided that I'd just make eye contact with everyone I saw and simply greet them with the love and joy that comes from my soul.
AWE-SOME!!! AWE-SOME!! It was a wonderful experience. 42nd Street was crammed full of every kind of people you'd ever want to see, and my only task was to reach out to them in love. What was amazing was that, overwhelmingly, that love is returned.
Then today we had the African American Day parade in Harlem. As I looked at all the people lining the streets, I couldn't help but wonder how we can get them that excited about Jesus. People clearly want something, and we who believe the Report of the Lord believe that there is something exciting in Jesus. We jsut have to either summon the authenticity to share it with the world in such a way that it becomes contagious, or -- we have to summon the authenticity to share it with the world in such a way that it becomes contagious.
God is in everything I see because God is in my mind.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
God is in everything I see
Today's idea from ACIM seems simple enough. It "explains why you can see all purpose in anything. It explains why nothing is separate, by itself or in itself. And it explains why nothing you see means anything. .... Today’s idea is the whole basis for vision."
The course seems to think it will be difficult to grasp this idea, but not only is it not difficult, it's been a conversation of Christian theologians since the first century, at least. The problem, I think, is our old perceptions that we bring to the mix. We think that God is not in a table as we see it, but we forget that a table shares the purpose of the universe and therefore the purpose of its Creator.
So as of today, I have to try to learn how to look on all things with love, appreciation and open-mindedness. I don't see that now, and I don't know what is in them. I don't see clearly yet, although on some intellectual level I realize that nothing Really is as it appears to me. The holy purpose of everything is beyond my little, limited vision. When true Vision has shown me the holiness that lights up the world, I will more full understand today’s idea, and will not understand how I could ever have found it difficult. Now I see through a glass darkly; then I will see (as clearly as)face to face.
It's true of everything in creation. Any order I attempt to impose is alien to reality. If I do this right, I should experience a sense of peace and restfulness as my vision becomes clearer. If God is in everything I see, how could I NOT experience peace when I see things?
The course seems to think it will be difficult to grasp this idea, but not only is it not difficult, it's been a conversation of Christian theologians since the first century, at least. The problem, I think, is our old perceptions that we bring to the mix. We think that God is not in a table as we see it, but we forget that a table shares the purpose of the universe and therefore the purpose of its Creator.
So as of today, I have to try to learn how to look on all things with love, appreciation and open-mindedness. I don't see that now, and I don't know what is in them. I don't see clearly yet, although on some intellectual level I realize that nothing Really is as it appears to me. The holy purpose of everything is beyond my little, limited vision. When true Vision has shown me the holiness that lights up the world, I will more full understand today’s idea, and will not understand how I could ever have found it difficult. Now I see through a glass darkly; then I will see (as clearly as)face to face.
It's true of everything in creation. Any order I attempt to impose is alien to reality. If I do this right, I should experience a sense of peace and restfulness as my vision becomes clearer. If God is in everything I see, how could I NOT experience peace when I see things?
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Above all else, I want to see things differently.
Yes, I want to see, but part of seeing is understanding that my regular way of perception is not seeing. Seeing, being able to perceive Truth, requires that I "see" or perceive things differently. This includes EVERYTHING in the material world, which will be the key to greater perception.
I sorta get that, and have been trying to be more aware of it all day.
Today was an interesting day; I was exhausted from yesterday (60+ students and 49 employees equals one very tired sister). Drinking coffee at 9 pm, even decaf, is not a good idea. So this morning I was tired and only marginally productive. Not good. I no longer have the luxury of having a non-productive, or even marginally productive, day. Thankfully I got a call from the City agency who provides our funding. Went downtown and signed three contracts, totally millions of dollars, and some extending over the next few years. Very nice.
Then I went to visit my boy Ravi. It's sad how we let ourselves get disconnected; Ravi's been in this apartment for two years and this is only the second time I've visited him. I stayed for a couple of hours and was reminded that time spent with friends is the most precious time there is.
Which was reinforced when I came home to find an ADORABLE birth announcement for Katherine Murray M, the child of B and E, and little sister of Luke. Oh, what a pretty little baby!!! Together, this family is BELK!
Last night I got frustrated and cancelled the Turbo option on my roadrunner service. Tonight was, I think, the first time I've ever been able to download an iTunes update without having to re-start it.
I've talked before about Brian's success; he's shared his secret with Ravi and perhaps one day I'll be able to pick up on this website/blog thing. In the meantime, I'm tagging the Top 100 Personal Finance blogs -- talking with Ravi tonite I realized that I need to be more intentional in this area. I'm doing ok, I guess, but a couple of years of unemployment or a major illness would nearly wipe me out. Prayerfully that will never happen, but it was, I think, Ben Franklin who said we should prepare for the worst but expect the best. That's what i need to do with my finances.
Above all else, I want to see things differently. Above all else, I want to see finances differently. Above all else, I want to see my friends differently. Above all else, I want to see differently.
I sorta get that, and have been trying to be more aware of it all day.
Today was an interesting day; I was exhausted from yesterday (60+ students and 49 employees equals one very tired sister). Drinking coffee at 9 pm, even decaf, is not a good idea. So this morning I was tired and only marginally productive. Not good. I no longer have the luxury of having a non-productive, or even marginally productive, day. Thankfully I got a call from the City agency who provides our funding. Went downtown and signed three contracts, totally millions of dollars, and some extending over the next few years. Very nice.
Then I went to visit my boy Ravi. It's sad how we let ourselves get disconnected; Ravi's been in this apartment for two years and this is only the second time I've visited him. I stayed for a couple of hours and was reminded that time spent with friends is the most precious time there is.
Which was reinforced when I came home to find an ADORABLE birth announcement for Katherine Murray M, the child of B and E, and little sister of Luke. Oh, what a pretty little baby!!! Together, this family is BELK!
Last night I got frustrated and cancelled the Turbo option on my roadrunner service. Tonight was, I think, the first time I've ever been able to download an iTunes update without having to re-start it.
I've talked before about Brian's success; he's shared his secret with Ravi and perhaps one day I'll be able to pick up on this website/blog thing. In the meantime, I'm tagging the Top 100 Personal Finance blogs -- talking with Ravi tonite I realized that I need to be more intentional in this area. I'm doing ok, I guess, but a couple of years of unemployment or a major illness would nearly wipe me out. Prayerfully that will never happen, but it was, I think, Ben Franklin who said we should prepare for the worst but expect the best. That's what i need to do with my finances.
Above all else, I want to see things differently. Above all else, I want to see finances differently. Above all else, I want to see my friends differently. Above all else, I want to see differently.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Above all else, I want to see
Vision has no cost to anyone. It can only bless.
There's a lot to be said for looking at things with new eyes, or looking at things through a different lens. Lots of the discord in the world, I believe, is because we all look at the same thing, but we only see that which we're able to perceive. A good example of this is optical illusions. We see what's drawn on the paper, but because of other variables: light, color, shading, the shape, angle or frequency of surrounding lines -- because of other variables, our perceptions differ.
So the thought for today is that "Above all else, I want to see." I want to see God's truth more clearly. That may mean that I'll see things people around me don't see; conversely, it may also mean that I'll have to let the people around me show me what they do see, and see if I can perceive what they see. But more importantly than any of that, seeing means that I'll have to allow the Holy Spirit to show me, and will have to continue preparing myself to receive the sight, vision, and direction of that Spirit. It's pretty simple, to me: Vision -- Divine, Godly Vision -- has to be a priority among my desires.
That's simply said; not quite so simply done. Sometimes immediate desires become short-term goals, and they interfere with vision. I had an example in mind, but have been distracted for the last half-hour or so.
I'm so excited for Rafa!!! FINALLY!!! Amit doesn't like him; was always a Federer fan; once Djokovic beat Federer on Amit's birthday, we knew it was all over. This is the first year since I've known Amit that we've missed going to the Open, either Semifinals or finals, but with the purchase of his house (and his desire to pay it off in under ten years), he is finally learning to cut expenses. So he changed the
Amex with perks to one without perks. One of the perks was cheap Open seats. We'd agreed on $250 as the max, which usually comes to nearly $300 once they add on taxes and fees. But we usually have 200-level seats.
This year the seats he found were the middle or end of the 300 level (which means in the sky), and they were $391 per! So we didn't go to the Open this year. Which is fine, b/c the men's finals on Sunday got rained out and we wouldn't have been able to have gone on Monday....
Am REALLY excited about the upcoming trip! It's already changed a bit: we're not flying RAJ, so we won't be flying into and out of Amman. So I'll only be going to Egypt and Israel/Palestine, not to Jordan. So I'll only get stamps from 2 countries on this trip instead of from 3 (and with the USPO suddenly charging SIXTY DOLLARS to add pages, maybe I need to re-think this desire to fill up the book...). But I'm really excited at the prospect of seeing the Pyramids and the Sphinx (and taking that famous picture where you are silhouetted with the Sphinx), of riding a camel again (though I'm entertaining the idea of hiking Sinai, if I can get up early enough. It's a mile and a half up, a three-hour hike, I'm told. It sounds exciting now; we'll see.), and seeing other parts of Israel besides just Palestine. I'm especially interested to see Tel Aviv and environs as compared to the Palestinian areas.
Above all else, I want to see....
I've just figured out how to put pictures in this thing, so let me post some favorites of the world as I've seen it...
There's a lot to be said for looking at things with new eyes, or looking at things through a different lens. Lots of the discord in the world, I believe, is because we all look at the same thing, but we only see that which we're able to perceive. A good example of this is optical illusions. We see what's drawn on the paper, but because of other variables: light, color, shading, the shape, angle or frequency of surrounding lines -- because of other variables, our perceptions differ.
So the thought for today is that "Above all else, I want to see." I want to see God's truth more clearly. That may mean that I'll see things people around me don't see; conversely, it may also mean that I'll have to let the people around me show me what they do see, and see if I can perceive what they see. But more importantly than any of that, seeing means that I'll have to allow the Holy Spirit to show me, and will have to continue preparing myself to receive the sight, vision, and direction of that Spirit. It's pretty simple, to me: Vision -- Divine, Godly Vision -- has to be a priority among my desires.
That's simply said; not quite so simply done. Sometimes immediate desires become short-term goals, and they interfere with vision. I had an example in mind, but have been distracted for the last half-hour or so.
I'm so excited for Rafa!!! FINALLY!!! Amit doesn't like him; was always a Federer fan; once Djokovic beat Federer on Amit's birthday, we knew it was all over. This is the first year since I've known Amit that we've missed going to the Open, either Semifinals or finals, but with the purchase of his house (and his desire to pay it off in under ten years), he is finally learning to cut expenses. So he changed the
Amex with perks to one without perks. One of the perks was cheap Open seats. We'd agreed on $250 as the max, which usually comes to nearly $300 once they add on taxes and fees. But we usually have 200-level seats.
This year the seats he found were the middle or end of the 300 level (which means in the sky), and they were $391 per! So we didn't go to the Open this year. Which is fine, b/c the men's finals on Sunday got rained out and we wouldn't have been able to have gone on Monday....
Am REALLY excited about the upcoming trip! It's already changed a bit: we're not flying RAJ, so we won't be flying into and out of Amman. So I'll only be going to Egypt and Israel/Palestine, not to Jordan. So I'll only get stamps from 2 countries on this trip instead of from 3 (and with the USPO suddenly charging SIXTY DOLLARS to add pages, maybe I need to re-think this desire to fill up the book...). But I'm really excited at the prospect of seeing the Pyramids and the Sphinx (and taking that famous picture where you are silhouetted with the Sphinx), of riding a camel again (though I'm entertaining the idea of hiking Sinai, if I can get up early enough. It's a mile and a half up, a three-hour hike, I'm told. It sounds exciting now; we'll see.), and seeing other parts of Israel besides just Palestine. I'm especially interested to see Tel Aviv and environs as compared to the Palestinian areas.
Above all else, I want to see....
I've just figured out how to put pictures in this thing, so let me post some favorites of the world as I've seen it...
Monday, September 13, 2010
My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability
Sometimes, you just have to stop yourself and let the Holy Spirit take control. I'm doing The Course again, and today's lesson is that "My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability." Theory first, then my interpretation/application.
The Course says that (and I'm paraphrasing here): "if you can be attacked you are not invulnerable; you see attack as a real threat because you believe that you can attack. What has effects THROUGH you must also have effects ON you, but you're misusing it and need to learn how to use it FOR your own best interests, rather than AGAINST them." It goes on to say that "because your attack thoughts will be projected, you will fear attack, and if you fear attack, you must believe that you are not invulnerable. Attack thoughts make you vulnerable in your own mind, which is where the attack thoughts are. Attack thoughts and invulnerability cannot be accepted together. They contradict each other." (My take: You can't entertain holiness simultaneously with thoughts that somebody is being a sniper; if the Spirit is with you, than no one can stand against you. The "martyr syndrome" is then, not an expression of holiness but a lack thereof .. which would lead to another conversation about the purpose of martyrdom, but that takes me too far off the theme of this posting and will be reserved for mid-semester in Church History.)
So the thought for today is that one always attacks oneself. If attack thoughts must entail the belief that one is vulnerable, then what they do is to weaken one in one's own eyes. The net result is an attack in one's perception of oneself. Believing in the attack thoughts, (a falsely created image of the Self), one can no longer believe in one's Self. A false image has taken the place of the Self.
Vulnerability or invulnerability is the result of one's own thoughts. Nothing except your thoughts can attack you. Nothing except your thoughts can make you think you are vulnerable, and nothing except your thoughts can prove to you that you are, indeed, not vulnerable.
So the things that I am concerned about are really attack thoughts upon myself.
My take: I've been wrestling with what I perceived as someone questioning my integrity. I shared my concerns with someone I thought objective, and they dismissed it. I continued in my concern, still desiring to "defend" myself. There's no need to "defend" myself. I'm not being attacked. It's hard for me to accept that, because there is a twisted certain appeal in being the person who's attempting to do the right thing and is being accused of having selfish or ulterior motives. But I get to make a conscious decision not to go that road. Instead I choose to go down another road, one that leads towards an expressed goal.
"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them."- Albert Einstein I'm no Einstein, but I would like to be able to rise to a new level of thinking. It's challenging to attempt to discipline the mind; even more so to strengthen the spirit. But that is a personal goal, and as with any other goal, part of the key is staying focused.
The Course says that (and I'm paraphrasing here): "if you can be attacked you are not invulnerable; you see attack as a real threat because you believe that you can attack. What has effects THROUGH you must also have effects ON you, but you're misusing it and need to learn how to use it FOR your own best interests, rather than AGAINST them." It goes on to say that "because your attack thoughts will be projected, you will fear attack, and if you fear attack, you must believe that you are not invulnerable. Attack thoughts make you vulnerable in your own mind, which is where the attack thoughts are. Attack thoughts and invulnerability cannot be accepted together. They contradict each other." (My take: You can't entertain holiness simultaneously with thoughts that somebody is being a sniper; if the Spirit is with you, than no one can stand against you. The "martyr syndrome" is then, not an expression of holiness but a lack thereof .. which would lead to another conversation about the purpose of martyrdom, but that takes me too far off the theme of this posting and will be reserved for mid-semester in Church History.)
So the thought for today is that one always attacks oneself. If attack thoughts must entail the belief that one is vulnerable, then what they do is to weaken one in one's own eyes. The net result is an attack in one's perception of oneself. Believing in the attack thoughts, (a falsely created image of the Self), one can no longer believe in one's Self. A false image has taken the place of the Self.
Vulnerability or invulnerability is the result of one's own thoughts. Nothing except your thoughts can attack you. Nothing except your thoughts can make you think you are vulnerable, and nothing except your thoughts can prove to you that you are, indeed, not vulnerable.
So the things that I am concerned about are really attack thoughts upon myself.
My take: I've been wrestling with what I perceived as someone questioning my integrity. I shared my concerns with someone I thought objective, and they dismissed it. I continued in my concern, still desiring to "defend" myself. There's no need to "defend" myself. I'm not being attacked. It's hard for me to accept that, because there is a twisted certain appeal in being the person who's attempting to do the right thing and is being accused of having selfish or ulterior motives. But I get to make a conscious decision not to go that road. Instead I choose to go down another road, one that leads towards an expressed goal.
"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them."- Albert Einstein I'm no Einstein, but I would like to be able to rise to a new level of thinking. It's challenging to attempt to discipline the mind; even more so to strengthen the spirit. But that is a personal goal, and as with any other goal, part of the key is staying focused.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
What goes around...
Irony? Divine justice? Karmic payback? I have people questioning my integrity because I dare to post liberal views on homosexuality. I'm accused of a lack of integrity because I have views that could be seen as rationalizing the liberalization of the church (doesn't make sense to me, either). On the other hand, I have people quoting Scriptures at me left and right -- people who think authority should not be questioned in the church, people who think we should not judge, people who think we should take the mote out of our eyes before we take the beam out of others' eyes...
I think I've reached a place where I'm ok with people's comments and criticisms, as long as I understand what I believe and how I believe it. But I'm also growing weary of a church whose ethos is to praise God with passion and power within the walls of the church and completely ignore the world in which we live. I guess I believe that we're in physical bodies and in the physical world because we are called to be the salt and light of this world. I know I'm impatient, but I just can't get with the idea that we claim that Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever, while insisting to stick with traditions from yesterday and simultaneously rejecting any connection with today.
It feels better to have gotten that off my chest.
Haven't done The Course in a while, and the next lesson is that "I do not know what anything is for." It tells me that nothing I see means anything because I don't know what it's for, therefore it is meaningless to me. Everything, it tells me, is for my own best interests. That is what it is for; that is its purpose. When I recognize this, my goals become unified, and what I see is given meaning.
I perceive the world and everything in it as meaningful in terms of ego goals, but these goals have nothing to do with my own best interests, because the ego is not me. This false identification with the ego makes me incapable of understanding what anything is for. As a result, I will misuse it and try to withdraw the goals I have assigned to the world, instead of attempting to reinforce them.
At the most superficial level, I do recognize purpose, but not at a deep enough level. So I have to be willing to give up the goals I have established for everything. They are not good or bad; simply useless.
So I'm going to move in that direction, realizing that everything that I do not know what ANYTHING is for.
This is how I hope to learn.
I think I've reached a place where I'm ok with people's comments and criticisms, as long as I understand what I believe and how I believe it. But I'm also growing weary of a church whose ethos is to praise God with passion and power within the walls of the church and completely ignore the world in which we live. I guess I believe that we're in physical bodies and in the physical world because we are called to be the salt and light of this world. I know I'm impatient, but I just can't get with the idea that we claim that Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever, while insisting to stick with traditions from yesterday and simultaneously rejecting any connection with today.
It feels better to have gotten that off my chest.
Haven't done The Course in a while, and the next lesson is that "I do not know what anything is for." It tells me that nothing I see means anything because I don't know what it's for, therefore it is meaningless to me. Everything, it tells me, is for my own best interests. That is what it is for; that is its purpose. When I recognize this, my goals become unified, and what I see is given meaning.
I perceive the world and everything in it as meaningful in terms of ego goals, but these goals have nothing to do with my own best interests, because the ego is not me. This false identification with the ego makes me incapable of understanding what anything is for. As a result, I will misuse it and try to withdraw the goals I have assigned to the world, instead of attempting to reinforce them.
At the most superficial level, I do recognize purpose, but not at a deep enough level. So I have to be willing to give up the goals I have established for everything. They are not good or bad; simply useless.
So I'm going to move in that direction, realizing that everything that I do not know what ANYTHING is for.
This is how I hope to learn.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Integrity
It's been a while since I posted here. The ACIM work was challenging and I copped out, though I expect to resume soon. The Liberty lost to Atlanta in the second round of the semifinals and remain the only one of the original WNBA teams that has not brought home a championship. To add insult to injury, while MSG is being renovated, the Liberty will play in the Prudential Center in New Jersey. The renovation will not displace the Rangers or Knicks, but the women and their fans, the people who have to watch affordable ball and who can't pay celebrity prices -- we get to trek to New Jersey.
So I bought a ticket to Verizon's How Sweet the Sound, a gospel event, scheduled for the middle of next week, to test the trek to The Rock, as the Prudential Center is called.
Lately, I've been involved in a campaign in our church. I've posted here before about our bishop who appears to be on the downlow and who was convicted of sexually assaulting a subordinate. So I'm coordinating a campaign to ask the College of Bishops to offer an opinion on the issue, and to have the guy step down.
One of my friends last night declined to sign the petition because it mentions the church's stance on homosexuality. As I spoke with her, I felt more than a twinge of guilt and wondered if I'm being a hypocrite. I've been a vocal advocate for gay rights and for inclusion and affirmation of ALL people, including LGBT folk, in our churches. And I wonder how my friends (most of whom are gay) would feel about me signing this petition and spearheading this movement.
What I think (and maybe I'm just justifying this to myself) is this: I do believe our church's stance on homosexuality is wrong. I think our church is homophobic. And, truth be told, I think this petition probably has some roots in homophobia. I both acknowledge and regret that, and I regret that some folk are probably joining with me because of the homophobia and not because of the principles.
But you know what? As I've said before, I think it would be great if our church had a gay bishop. But I want our first gay bishop to be openly, proudly, and unapologetically gay -- I don't want our first gay bishop to be someone who has to sneak around, commit adultery, and have furtive little affairs that denigrate their sexuality and continue the less-than perception of gay and all people who are "other."
I think this person needs some time to sort themselves out. I think that if you can't handle your business, you can't tell me how to handle my business. I think that we need to walk what we talk -- if we're going to state that Godly sexual relations only take place between a man and a woman in the context of marriage (guess I'll never have Godly sexual relations againEDIT: someone tried to twist this. This statement is a reference to the fact that I am unmarried and have no intentions to marry.), then when our leaders engage in sexual relations that are outside those parameters, and when those relations draw the entire church into the spotlight, then I think that, at the very least, we should say something: either "attaboy! We were wrong;" or "hey, maybe this adultery thing isn't such a good idea;" or SOMEthing. But I don't think it's ok for us to just continue on like nothing has happened.
OK. I'm done now. I hated feeling like a hypocrite, and while my actions may be riding the wave of others' homophobia, I don't believe that's what's motivating me. Hopefully, there will also now be an open door from which we can all discuss sexuality in the black church....
So I bought a ticket to Verizon's How Sweet the Sound, a gospel event, scheduled for the middle of next week, to test the trek to The Rock, as the Prudential Center is called.
Lately, I've been involved in a campaign in our church. I've posted here before about our bishop who appears to be on the downlow and who was convicted of sexually assaulting a subordinate. So I'm coordinating a campaign to ask the College of Bishops to offer an opinion on the issue, and to have the guy step down.
One of my friends last night declined to sign the petition because it mentions the church's stance on homosexuality. As I spoke with her, I felt more than a twinge of guilt and wondered if I'm being a hypocrite. I've been a vocal advocate for gay rights and for inclusion and affirmation of ALL people, including LGBT folk, in our churches. And I wonder how my friends (most of whom are gay) would feel about me signing this petition and spearheading this movement.
What I think (and maybe I'm just justifying this to myself) is this: I do believe our church's stance on homosexuality is wrong. I think our church is homophobic. And, truth be told, I think this petition probably has some roots in homophobia. I both acknowledge and regret that, and I regret that some folk are probably joining with me because of the homophobia and not because of the principles.
But you know what? As I've said before, I think it would be great if our church had a gay bishop. But I want our first gay bishop to be openly, proudly, and unapologetically gay -- I don't want our first gay bishop to be someone who has to sneak around, commit adultery, and have furtive little affairs that denigrate their sexuality and continue the less-than perception of gay and all people who are "other."
I think this person needs some time to sort themselves out. I think that if you can't handle your business, you can't tell me how to handle my business. I think that we need to walk what we talk -- if we're going to state that Godly sexual relations only take place between a man and a woman in the context of marriage (guess I'll never have Godly sexual relations againEDIT: someone tried to twist this. This statement is a reference to the fact that I am unmarried and have no intentions to marry.), then when our leaders engage in sexual relations that are outside those parameters, and when those relations draw the entire church into the spotlight, then I think that, at the very least, we should say something: either "attaboy! We were wrong;" or "hey, maybe this adultery thing isn't such a good idea;" or SOMEthing. But I don't think it's ok for us to just continue on like nothing has happened.
OK. I'm done now. I hated feeling like a hypocrite, and while my actions may be riding the wave of others' homophobia, I don't believe that's what's motivating me. Hopefully, there will also now be an open door from which we can all discuss sexuality in the black church....
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
I can escape from the world I see by giving up attack thoughts.”
So I didn't get a chance to write more on yesterday's topic, which was that "what I see is a form of vengeance." I guess it makes sense: if we create the world we see, then the negativity we see is a creation of our minds. The course tells us it's because we want vengeance (guess I need to understand the material a bit more to get more familiar with the concept of vengeance).
And today's topic seems to follow that eradication of creating negativity by allowing us to create an escape from the world we presently see. The first step is giving up "attack thoughts." As the couse states, "Every thought you have makes up some segment of the world you see. It is with your thoughts, then, that we must work, if your perception of the world is to be changed." OK, I get that.
But see, then it says that "if" the cause of the world we see is attack thoughts, and tells us how to proceed to give up attack thoughts. But what about "if" the cause of the world we see is not attack thoughts. A part of me knows that when I think that, I need to examine myself a bit more. It's painful to think that I have negative attitudes about aspects of the world around me, but when I honestly look within, I realize that I do.... The course goes on to state that " Each of your perceptions of “external reality” is a pictorial representation of your own attack thoughts." OK, I guess I can get that, too.
And just as I'm struggling with this, I read that "You see the world which you have made, but you do not see yourself as the image-maker" Yes. That's exactly where I am. Now I'm beginning to see why the first several exercises were so important. And I'm beginning to think perhaps I should have paid more attention to them...
I'm excited about the course again, and excited to think that "I can escape from the world by giving up attack thoughts about (whatever it is that I think of negatively or that I believe affects me negatively).” This should be interesting.
I can escape from the world by giving up attack thoughts about the Liberty's ability to win the Playoffs!!
And today's topic seems to follow that eradication of creating negativity by allowing us to create an escape from the world we presently see. The first step is giving up "attack thoughts." As the couse states, "Every thought you have makes up some segment of the world you see. It is with your thoughts, then, that we must work, if your perception of the world is to be changed." OK, I get that.
But see, then it says that "if" the cause of the world we see is attack thoughts, and tells us how to proceed to give up attack thoughts. But what about "if" the cause of the world we see is not attack thoughts. A part of me knows that when I think that, I need to examine myself a bit more. It's painful to think that I have negative attitudes about aspects of the world around me, but when I honestly look within, I realize that I do.... The course goes on to state that " Each of your perceptions of “external reality” is a pictorial representation of your own attack thoughts." OK, I guess I can get that, too.
And just as I'm struggling with this, I read that "You see the world which you have made, but you do not see yourself as the image-maker" Yes. That's exactly where I am. Now I'm beginning to see why the first several exercises were so important. And I'm beginning to think perhaps I should have paid more attention to them...
I'm excited about the course again, and excited to think that "I can escape from the world by giving up attack thoughts about (whatever it is that I think of negatively or that I believe affects me negatively).” This should be interesting.
I can escape from the world by giving up attack thoughts about the Liberty's ability to win the Playoffs!!