My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability

Sometimes, you just have to stop yourself and let the Holy Spirit take control. I'm doing The Course again, and today's lesson is that "My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability." Theory first, then my interpretation/application.

The Course says that (and I'm paraphrasing here): "if you can be attacked you are not invulnerable; you see attack as a real threat because you believe that you can attack. What has effects THROUGH you must also have effects ON you, but you're misusing it and need to learn how to use it FOR your own best interests, rather than AGAINST them." It goes on to say that "because your attack thoughts will be projected, you will fear attack, and if you fear attack, you must believe that you are not invulnerable. Attack thoughts make you vulnerable in your own mind, which is where the attack thoughts are. Attack thoughts and invulnerability cannot be accepted together. They contradict each other." (My take: You can't entertain holiness simultaneously with thoughts that somebody is being a sniper; if the Spirit is with you, than no one can stand against you. The "martyr syndrome" is then, not an expression of holiness but a lack thereof .. which would lead to another conversation about the purpose of martyrdom, but that takes me too far off the theme of this posting and will be reserved for mid-semester in Church History.)

So the thought for today is that one always attacks oneself. If attack thoughts must entail the belief that one is vulnerable, then what they do is to weaken one in one's own eyes. The net result is an attack in one's perception of oneself. Believing in the attack thoughts, (a falsely created image of the Self), one can no longer believe in one's Self. A false image has taken the place of the Self.

Vulnerability or invulnerability is the result of one's own thoughts. Nothing except your thoughts can attack you. Nothing except your thoughts can make you think you are vulnerable, and nothing except your thoughts can prove to you that you are, indeed, not vulnerable.

So the things that I am concerned about are really attack thoughts upon myself.

My take: I've been wrestling with what I perceived as someone questioning my integrity. I shared my concerns with someone I thought objective, and they dismissed it. I continued in my concern, still desiring to "defend" myself. There's no need to "defend" myself. I'm not being attacked. It's hard for me to accept that, because there is a twisted certain appeal in being the person who's attempting to do the right thing and is being accused of having selfish or ulterior motives. But I get to make a conscious decision not to go that road. Instead I choose to go down another road, one that leads towards an expressed goal.

"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them."- Albert Einstein I'm no Einstein, but I would like to be able to rise to a new level of thinking. It's challenging to attempt to discipline the mind; even more so to strengthen the spirit. But that is a personal goal, and as with any other goal, part of the key is staying focused.