So today is all about a declaration of release. This is about the world outside myself and the world I see inside myself. I have to continue to apply this idea. I have to look around at the things outside me and realize I am not a victim of the world I see, then I have to look inside to realize I am not a victim of the world I see. Since the inner reality is the cause of the outer reality, when I get in touch with What is Inside, I will cease to be a victim of the world I see.
As I go inside, all thoughts are valid. There will be no hierarchy of thoughts, no passion in their coming and going, no dwelling on any one in particular. Instead I am to let them move on evenly and calmly, without any investment from me, repeating that I am not a victim of the world I see, with no sense of hurry.
I need to continually remind myself that I am making a declaration of independence in the name of my own freedom, and that in my freedom lies the freedom of the world.
This idea is also, the Course says, a particularly useful one to use as a response to any form of temptation. It is a declaration that I will not yield to it and put myself in bondage.
That's the exercise. Now for the rant: My church has been in my life since before my birth (my home church is listed in my baby book as giving me gifts). But it seems we have a college of Bishops whose inertia prevents them fro censuring people whose behaviors are antithetical to what we say we believe. OK. But then I get emails from people who say that I should be careful as I petition the College for accountability. I am not the victim of the world I see. Of what should I be careful? Of the wrath of the hypocrites? Sorry. My ego and anger are also not the victim and not the effect of the world I see, so they should not be engaged now. I realize my ego is responding, and I didn't want to stuff my feelings. I simply need to acknowledge that I am not the victim of the world I see. On a practical level, what is the worst that could happen? They could defrock or excommunicate me, I suppose. I am not the victim of the world I see. How would my life be negatively impacted by being defrocked or excommunicated? Since I am not the victim of the world I see, those affiliations have no meaning for me.
I've posted and ranted before about our College of Bishops and our gay Bishop. Unlike many of my church brethren, I wouldn't mind having a gay bishop -- IF we were a church that had decided we embrace homosexuality. That is not the case. Given that we state that homosexuality is contrary to Godly sexual relations, I do mind having a Bishop who states he's been involved in sexual encounters with subordinates of the same sex while being married to a female. It's not the same-sex encounters that bother me. Yes, sin is sin, but Christians all the time make arbitrary decisions about what they are going to call sin and what they're not going to call sin. I'm not going to argue that point here. I'm going to say that we are in a church that calls homosexuality a sin. Because of that, we shouldn't have leaders engaging in homosexual behavior without their being accountable for it. But wait: By definition, his engaging in homosexuality was also committing adultery. My take on homosexuality is like Jesse Jackson: "it didn't make the top ten." But adultery did.
So our College of Bishops comes out with this insane statement that talks of the fiduciary liability of the church. They talk about how the Church is of God and not of humans, but exists in a civil society and is subject to the laws of that society. It states that the laws of society are given due deference (although when states started legalizing gay marriage, the Church moved quickly to come out against that, so their point that the church defers to the laws of society is not a valid one.) Then they talk about how this is a civil matter and not a criminal one. Not sure why that's important. They say that no charges have been filed against the bishop. And here's my question: you've got a bishop who's walking contrary to both the laws of the society and the laws of the Church. He's admitted that he's consistently walking contrary to the Ten Commandments. And not one of the other ten people sitting on the Bishop's bench has seen fit to file charges?!?!? So that's OK? If I were a Bishop and stole money.... oh, wait. I know the answer to that one. If I were a Bishop and made something more important than God... no, I know the answer to that one. If I made an idol or failed to keep the Sabbath holy, or failed to honor my parents or committed adultery or stole or lied or coveted... OK. So it's clear one can be a Bishop and completely disregard the Ten Commandments. I guess in their minds, there's no reason for them to bring charges against anyone because of that.
But I'm not a victim of the world I see. I can't stay here and perpetuate a fraud. I can no longer pretend that this is ok. Everybody knows that I have a really liberal theology, am gay affirming and welcoming and all that. For me, this is not a theological issue and this is not an anti-gay stance. I know many of my CME brothers and sisters are anti-gay (and as a side note, I also believe this statement from the COB is a setup to discuss the theological implications of sex and sexuality in the black church. I think they'll ultimately come out saying gay is ok. That would be fine with me, but I don't think I'll be around to see it happen.) I'm not anti-gay at all, but for me to be in a church, there needs to be at least an ATTEMPT at spiritual integrity. I'm not seeing that. I'm seeing smoke and mirrors and coverups. I resent continually being asked for money. I resent preachers who preach Jesus with stereotypical hooping and hollering and who come out of the pulpit and can't even be civil to their congregants. I'm not the victim of the world I see. This church has been in my life all my life, but I'm the only member of my family who's still left in it. I am not the victim of the world I see, and I don't have to put up with people who poop in my face and tell me it's manna from heaven. I pray God's forgiveness if I'm wrong or if I'm being unduly judgemental, but this is how things appear to me. I am not the victim of the world I see, so it is possible that reality is different from what I see. Maybe, once the emotions subside, I can come back to this post and see things differently.
I am not the victim of the world I see. I have the power and the ability to create a better world.
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