So I have degenerative osteoarthritis all over my body, but perhaps most noticeably in my knees. While losing 100+ lbs certainly helped, I still have issues from time to time. I get injections of OrthoVisc or SynVisc (whatever insurance will pay for) twice a year. Got the last series in February, so I was reluctant to go back for cortisone shots so quickly.
And I'd gone from 10 miles per week to over 20 miles per week on the elliptical (which is designed to decrease impact on the joints), so thought the little discomfort in my knees was my body's way of answering my orthopedist's question of "how much pain are you willing to bear?" (Which was his response to my question of whether I'd ever be able to run.)
ANYway. I went in this morning for my cortisone shots, after realizing I can't just call up and ask for the shots, I have to call up and tell them I'm in pain and can the doctor see me, and might shots be available. So I did the shots -- 8:10 appointment, called me at 8 am, by 8:30 I'd paid, was out, had stopped to get coffee, cash, and play Lotto, and was headed to the #5 train uptown. Because I sometimes experience some stiffness after the shots, I took my cane with me, though I was twirling it as much as I was using it to walk with.
Got to work, after experiencing the joy of giving. I saw an old woman with two cute little girls, and started making conversation. They were a year apart (not twins), maybe 6 and 7, and were adorable. Well, as adorable as kids that age could be. Something told me to give her money, but I didn't have anything but 20s, so I closed my wallet. But the Spirit prodded me again, reminding me that I have no problem gambling away $20.00 and rationalizing that "I can afford it," so I folded up a 20, shook her hand, and told her she's doing a good thing and that God will bless her. She didn't realize what I'd done until I was almost off the bus, but once she saw it, the look on her face was PRICELESS!! I think she told the kids, because they looked at me and thanked me. I got off the bus so full of joy I nearly cried. I think I might have to do that one again. Not for people who are expecting it, but to average, everyday people who could clearly use it.
So I go to my office and start working. Well, my knee starts to throb. And throb. And throb. And then it must have started to swell, because the brace I had on got too tight. The throbbing continued, now accentuated by a pain so intense, I could only think that my orthopedist had not injected cortisone, but some cheap Chinese concoction that was actually acid. I started to sweat. Then I began to sweat profusely. I opened the window. Thought I was gonna hurl. Tried to go the baño, but couldn't put any weight on my leg. Hobbled there, hobbled back, hobbled there again. I can barely walk, even with the cane, and can put no weight or pressure on the leg, and can't even straighten it out.
Hobbled back to my office, took off my shoes, locked my office door, and took off my pants. I cried, I hollered, I sang, and praised, spoke Victory over myself, renounced slew foot as a liar and plead the Blood of Jesus. The pain continued. I called my staff who went out and got me an icepack and some ice. Although they did it as quickly as they could, I thought I would lose my mind from the pain. It was like a migraine in my knee, I guess. All of a sudden, I couldn't even take phone calls from funders, and actually yelled at the phone when it rang.
I finally called the doctor, whose office told me this was an expected reaction because of the degree of inflammation. "Even pain so intense it makes me want to puke?" I asked. "Yes, unfortunately," was the answer.
I had a 2 pm meeting in another building. I started leaving my office just after 1. There was no way I could walk there; it took me nearly 15 minutes to get down the stairs. Had a conference call with a hospital and one of my program directors -- probably the first time I ever lost my temper with one of my employees. It wasn't pretty, and I felt compelled to apologize to her before the day was over. At the time, though, I was in pain and needed to get through that situation to make an appearance at the meeting so I could go home, take some pain meds and go to bed.
Long story short, I got to the other building right at 2 pm, barely moving. The meeting ran from 2 to 4 (after which one of the employees gave me a lovely thank you card and note of encouragement, for which I am grateful. She's a quiet lady, somewhere between mousy and a gentle giant. I never talked to her much, but she made my day today.
The pain in my leg began to subside a bit around 5 pm (possibly because the focus was taken off it when I was taken aback by my employees for whom I pay over $500 per month in insurance and who are now upset because the premium rose and they have to pay the difference, a whopping $62.00 per month. These people actually complained, although none of the complainants bothered to respond to my request for their input when actually choosing the policy....) -- so the pain began to subside around 5 pm, and I met with a different program director until about 7. By that time, I was able to put a bit of weight on the leg, and actually took public transportation home.
So the money I would have spent on the cab was the money I gave to the lady, I was able to speak a word of victory over myself, and yet another day serving as executive director of a South Bronx social services agency has come to an end.
There's so much more, but the cortisone raises my blood sugar, which has given me an incredible headache. I kinda think I won't be able to make the gym tomorrow, and hope I'll be able to go to Duane Reade to pick up my meds. Patience and tolerance. Those are the areas in which I need the most work, and those are the areas in which God is working with -- and, despite myself, blessing -- me.
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