It's all relative

Just want to write something because it's so easy to get out of the habit, and writing is so therapeutic.  (At this point, a normal preacher would begin working on their Saturday evening Watchnight sermon, but not meeee.... I'm gonna grade papers.  Because the Spirit is percolating within, I hope).

So the other day I'm driving home.  Feeling really crummy.  Ministry is about being obedient to God and meeting other people at their point of need.  No one ever said it would be easy or fun or anything like that.  I know that, but still had had a particularly trying day with people -- flawed, human people, who are just as imperfect as I am.  But I wasn't feeling particularly reflective right then.  I was feeling tired and angry and, well, you know how we can get. Sorta like those people who had me feeling that way.

Anyway.  It's raining and I'm driving home in the rain, playing the Praise station on Sirius XM, making a vain attempt to get my spirit back into some kind of recognizable shape.  I stop at the light on 125, and there is the guy in the wheelchair.  I go into my precious parking meter stash to give him some money.  I remember being very aware of the fact that I wasn't giving him money because of compassion, care, concern, or anything like that.  I wanted to give him money because I could comfortably give him money, and it made me feel good to give him money.  I remember thinking how selfish that was, to give not out of love or altruism, but simply because it made me feel good.

And then the brother began to thank me and to praise the name of Jesus.  Oh, my goodness!  Here I am with the nerve to have negativity in my spirit while I'm warm and dry and driving a car I didn't have to pay for.  And here is this brother outside in the cold, and in the rain, in a wheelchair, and HE'S the one praising Jesus!!

I praised Jesus with him, and left the encounter feeling grateful.  Grateful that even in the midst of my mess, even when I've got it so upside-down that I think I'm offering material comfort to someone else, even in the midst of that, God can put things in perspective and demonstrate the Source of True Joy.