Forgiveness? What About You?

Not a lot about modern society (except perhaps its apparent impending demise) genuinely grieves me; a trend in responses to the Charleston Massacre has done that.  Every day I see people – Christians, Pastors, Academics, Intellectuals, and many who fit into none of the above categories – condemning the families of the Emmanuel Nine.  I’ve heard people call them names, say they were in denial, and say they hadn’t properly processed their grief.

I’m grateful to my friend, neighbor, and colaborer in Christ, Rev. Jose Humphries, for helping me find my voice on this.  As much as I love to write, there is much to be said for verbal exchange.   As we chatted today, we acknowledged that, thankfully, neither of us has ever been in the position of the families of those massacred.  We can’t know how we would behave.  I cannot find it in myself to begin to dictate, define, or describe what might be appropriate behavior in such a situation. 

Much is being made of their acts of forgiveness.  Somehow it seems these acts of forgiveness are being co-opted by the talking head du jour as some sort of symbolic statement on how people of color should respond to tragedy.  No mention is made of the fact that people of color have had to develop superhuman capacities for forgiveness and an otherworldly reliance on the Divine simply to endure their physical journey in an atmosphere of systemic oppression.  No, no mention is made of that. In my opinion, failure to acknowledge that fact is a reflection on the commentators and a reflection of the dominant culture.  It takes nothing away from the injured people’s need, ability, and spiritual desire to free themselves from the ravages of unforgiveness.

But somehow it seems those who would comment are conflating and/or equating the spiritual practices of those who would forgive with the transgressions of those who continue to inflict pain and cause havoc.  Maybe this is why the Bible tells us to first take the speck out of our own eyes.  A long time ago, a very wise man helped me understand that the only things I can control are my own attitudes and behaviors.  Consequently, I don’t care much about nor pay much attention to what the dominant culture says or thinks about me (although I will admit to being pissed off when I can’t be scruffy on a Saturday and go into a department store without being followed around; I’ve finally learned to use that to my advantage, though – now I just hover around the register and amaze people at how quickly I get serviced!). 

But it seems that the dominant culture, the media, the talking heads du jour – whomever one chooses to name – it seems there is this inclination to point to these people in their grief, who are responding to spiritual savagery visited upon them by invoking the spiritual principles that have always undergirded them – it seems there is an inclination to point to these particular people in this particular situation and say “See, Black folk, THAT’S how you ought to respond when people visit atrocities upon you.”

And that thought, of course, is complete bullshit.  Remember above when I said the only things I can control are my attitudes and my behaviors?  That’s true.  It’s true for me,  it’s true for you, and it's true for every member of the dominant culture.  It’s just not appropriate and it doesn’t work for someone to point to anyone else and tell them how to forgive.  Forgiveness is noble and laudable, that is true.  But one cannot morally speak to people of color or any oppressed people about the moral superiority of forgiveness without acknowledging the systems created that caused many among them to have a  predilection towards and nearly superhuman capacity for, forgiveness. And one certainly can’t speak to oppressed people in America about the virtue of forgiveness without also speaking about the virtues of freedom, justice, and equality.  You cannot morally speak to me about my need to forgive without first addressing your need to let justice roll down like a river or righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.   

As I said, I’m not responsible for your attitudes or your behaviors.  Thankfully, I’m not in a place where I have to forgive people who massacred my loved ones.  But I do know that as long as you have a log of systemic racism, or a tree trunk of inequality in your eyes, and as long as you live in a forest of privilege-fueled oppression – as long as those conditions exist, they morally disqualify you from speaking about the speck of violence that occurs in my community after other atrocities are visited upon it.  And if you still choose to speak, know that I will neither listen nor be able to hear you.  The logs in your eyes and the forest you live in will render your words as but noisy gongs or clanging cymbals.

And yes, for that and other transgressions,  you will still be forgiven.  You’ll be forgiven because in order to live in the hellish environment you’ve created, all I could do was to take on the mantle of Christ and His teachings.  I have to forgive, no matter for what, and no matter how many times.  I do that for my own wellbeing, not for yours.  I forgive you because I’m responsible for my attitudes and my behaviors, and forgiveness is what I know, believe, and have been taught is right.

That's my attitude and prayerfully that will be my behavior.  But what about you?