Hold On Just a Little While Longer, Everything's Gonna Be Alright!!

Hold on Just a Little While Longer.  Everything is Gonna be Alright!!!

If I shut up and turn my brain off for long enough, I can hear God confirming those words to me.  Problem is, I seldom shut up and turn my brain off for long enough.   My day job is executive director of a nonprofit.  It’s in one of the poorest congressional districts in the country, and we serve people who have a fairly tenuous grip on that social safety net.  While initially the position of “executive director” was a good boost to my ego (though, sadly,  not to my pocketbook.  Did I mention that this is a nonprofit?), the reality is that this role has driven me to my knees and increased my faith in more ways than I ever thought possible.  It often seems the organization is held together with nothing but dental floss, duct tape, and effectual, fervent prayer.  So I’m often busy petitioning God or, like this morning, thanking God and singing God’s praises.  But I don’t spend nearly enough time shutting up, turning my brain off, and listening to and for God.

So there I was celebrating this morning – yesterday I was talking about how I have to get through my audits so I can move towards mission-oriented development; this morning I hear the auditor may FINALLY be able to start writing his report.  Then I turned the corner and ran into someone who has a similar mission and complementary resources who wants to do some development. My response was to Thank God and sing God’s praises, not to shut up and listen to God.

Today, like most days, was an endless flurry of regulatory compliance, personnel issues, simultaneous community relations/drug interventions/building inspections, and fiscal oversight.  All this is laid atop a plate of capacity building, board development, and organizational mission/vision work. And all of THAT, of course, was interspersed with today’s internet banality, which seems to have shifted from the person born male who’s decided to live out her identity as a female to the person born white who’s decided to live out her identity as a black person.  None of which has any relevance to or bearing upon my present situation nor to that of my clients or employees.   As a very practical guide,  I need to be able to pay bills for 30 days and see payroll for two pay periods in the future, and that wasn’t the case today.  In the midst of deciding where to slice and dice, and whether to hold off on paying insurance or security, I stopped and realized the Ram in the Bush. I didn’t listen for the voice of God, but once I decided to hold on a little while longer, it became apparent that everything was, indeed, gonna be alright.

That would have been enough, but I was sitting at my desk, working on some APRs and accepting the fact that I wasn’t going to make my evening exercise class.  My exercise classes are my "me" time, and I don't usually miss them except to attend the professional ball games for which I have season tickets.  Working out gets rid of my stress, then the swim afterwards relaxes and isolates (or insulates!) me.  My exercise times are an integral part of my day, and I hate to miss them.  So as I'm sitting here realizing I'm going to miss tonight's class, I get a text from a friend.  He’s an old college bud, someone with whom I often share dinners and holidays.  Earlier this week I was thinking of him and how we needed to touch base, but did nothing more than think on it.

So he texted me this evening.  Yes, of course it’s time for us to get together, but sometimes we go several months without seeing each other and sometimes we see each other every weekend.  I don’t believe it’s coincidence that he texted me just as I thought about him, I took that text as another sign from God that "yes, Babygirl, you CAN do this. You can do this because I've got you."  This time I’m listening.  I think I may go home and turn my brain off, continuing to listen.  I have certainly heard God say  “Hold on just a little while longer.  Everything’s gonna be alright!!!”