Two Worlds

I'm watching Grey's Anatomy, listening to the gay marriage drama. I happen to believe in equal rights for all citizens, and that the rights of citizens are not abrogated because of their marital status or sexual identity. I also happen to agree with Baily who says that when two people stand before God and declare to love, honor, and cherish one another til death do them part, that the marriage holds in God's eyes (and to my friends who think that's an abomination, I'm ok with letting God sort it -- and the couples -- out.). I even noticed that Derek and Meredith, wanting to adopt, finally went to a court and, we presume, are about to make their relationship (which was codified by them with Post-It Notes) legal in the eyes of the State of Washington.

What I'm having an issue with in the whole gay marriage thing, is people who somehow feel they're getting shorted because they can't have a same-sex wedding in a church. First of all, you need to understand that marriage exists for the convenience of the State. While Jesus did perform His first miracle at a wedding, and while Jesus did consider marriage between man and woman normative, Jesus also spent a lot of time with people who were sexually diverse, and we have no evidence that Jesus spoke against homosexuality.

(Meredith and Derek are getting married in a cut and dried civil ceremony, while Callie and Arizona are getting married in an over-the-top wedding ceremony that's not legal. The point I'm seeing is that a legal wedding is a business relationship, and a wedding is also a celebration.)

Which is where I was going with this post. Marriage is a relationship that wasn't a Christian ritual until the Christians asked their priests to perform wedding rituals for them like the pagans were performing. Ancient Greeks and Romans celebrated marriages informally (a little more formal than "shacking up", and the Greeks at least also acknowledged same-sex unions); and it wasn't until Bishop Ignatius in the second century that we see written Christian records (similar to the writings of Paul, a few decades earlier) suggesting that marriage was preferable to lusting. Christian religious marriages didn't become normative for centuries, and it was only in the 15th century, around the time of Martin Luther, that we start to see religious marriage tied up with affairs of the state.

Weddings exist as a function of and for the good of the state, which has an interest in maintaining marriages and families and the status quo. Christianity, being an imperial religion, has simply codified and sanctified the interests of the state.

All of which is fine in my book. But given that Christian practice is what it is, I don't think it's right or fair for same-sex couples to feel at a disadvantage because they can't celebrate a Christian marriage. I can't be a Catholic priest, either. It doesn't mean it's right; it means that's the dogma associated with that religious group. Why would someone want their union to be sanctioned by an entity that doesn't honor who they are? I guess that's my question. A church isn't a public organization; it's a body of believers. If you don't share the beliefs of that body, why would you want that body to sanctify or otherwise put its stamp of approval on your relationship? And that goes for heterosexual couples, as well. I don't understand how people live a life apart from God and then want to have a big, fancy church wedding. The church isn't a good-luck charm, it's not a salon, it's a sacred place. How can you intellectually or otherwise acknowledge its sanctity without acknowledging it with your actions? Every day, not just when you want to get married.

So I was talking about two worlds, the world of religious homophobes, and the world of, for lack of a better term, anti-religious "homophiles." But that's actually a tangent. I was out of the South Bronx today, downtown at a training. I was actually in the building just outside the heliport where President Obama landed. I got pictures of the snipers on the roof, and I got pictures of the heliport, but I missed him.

The training had a free breakfast: bagels, granola, boiled eggs, peanut butter, assorted danish, muffins, scones, coffee, tea -- all just laid out, all you could eat. Lunch was catered as well: sandwiches, green and pasta salads, a cookie assortment, and we sat in comfy couches on the 31st floor and looked out over the East River and the Statue of Liberty and Ells Island and New Jersey.

After the training, I walked through the FiDi, up the east side to Wall Street and then across Wall Street to the Broadway line. Two things struck me: how much stress and tension I saw in people, and how incredibly blessed my life has been. (PS: I want "Love Never Dies" by Patti Labelle to be the recessional at my funeral.) I went up through the greenmarket at Bowling Green, but didn't need anything. I wanted to go to Sym's but had purposely left the wallet with credit cards at home (I have something if there's ever a real emergency. I have to stop carrying and using credit cards). So I just walked the streets. I saw a woman selling magnets. She had a sign that said she was diabetic and needed insulin. I don't know whether it was true or not; I know that I no longer have diabetes, even when I eat junk, and even when I had diabetes I had to shoot up twice a day but it wasn't insulin. It's a blessing not to have the disease any more. So I bought a magnet, with gratitude.

But I thought about how incredibly different the world of polished marble and mahogany is from the peeling paint and sheetrock of my South Bronx world. I took pictures of the food because my staff would get a kick out of it. On Wall Street, I see business suits and tourists; in the South Bronx, I see sagging pants and hoodies. Once upon a time, I used to be self-conscious around the Wall Street suit types -- I always wondered if my bargain-basement suits were of a good enough quality, or (since I've never been a fashion victim) I always wondered if "they" somehow "knew" I was "different." Today, as I strolled along in jeans, shirt and jacket (covered by my delightful leather bomber jacket), I only thought about how cool it was that I could be me in that environment, and not have to worry about having the right wardrobe. Today, I knew my wardrobe was right because it was on my back. And I was grateful I wasn't one of the stressed-out "suits." And while we're speaking of two worlds, I came in from two hours of working out tonight and got a call from a student. There's this world I live in with my South Bronx and Harlem charges and congregants. That's distinct from, but related to, the world(s) of my students. And those worlds are both very different from the corporate / Wall Street world for which I spent so much time preparing and in which I spent so many years of my life.

That world has lots more perks. I ain't gonna lie; I like the polished marble and mahogany. I like coming home in cars. I like having people clean my bathroom and my office and my house. I like the pissing contests. I like the ostentatious displays of wealth. God forgive me, I even like the excess. It's nice, comforting even, to know that you've got "stuff" and plenty of it, and that you know where and how to get more "stuff."

But all that stuff isn't what life's about. All that stuff is from another world. Today I can easily navigate between the two worlds, mostly because I know who I am, and I know Whose I am.

Or maybe it's just because I realize they are two worlds, and each of them only has the meaning I give to it.....